Bad News

2008-10-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

I thought I was Beyonce's biggest fan. This video proves me wrong.

2008-09-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

Got back from Miranda's last night at 1 AM. Didn't think I'd feel like working, so I requested the day off. I basically did nothing except slightly clean my apartment, listen to the new TV on the Radio album, and take care of some grays (thanks, Wyatt).

Jenny Lewis was amazing. I know I said "Best concert ever" on Friday, but I might have to take it back. It was a great show, don't get me wrong, but her voice was stronger in Columbia last year. And I think they played for longer back then, too.

I took some videos, but no pictures. I might upload the videos later, but probably not.

And kudos to Jenny Lewis for getting me to set foot in a church.

BTW what is it with gays and v-neck shirts? I saw like a zillion of them in Chicago. I don't get it.

Speaking of shirts, I couldn't believe my eyes on the train last night. Someone was wearing a shirt with what LOOKED like the Budweiser logo on it, but if you gave it a second glance, you'd notice it said "St. Louis" instead of "Budweiser," and under that, it said "King of Queers"

On the back....well, I'll just let you take a look at this picture I found today. I'd rather not type it out again....

(Side note: When I googled the phrase, I found a thread on Yahoo Answers that asked, "Where can I find a shirt that says 'Cardinals take it in their Pujols?'" Someone responded, "At a redneck convention, perhaps?" And it wasn't me, I promise!)

I asked Dave, "Are you more offended as a St. Louisan, or as a gay man?"

His response: "I'm offended as a Budweiser fan."

There's no snake oil cure for unlucky in love

2008-09-11T07:33:00.001-07:00

I found a link to the new Jenny Lewis album Acid Tongue and thought I would share it with you all. I listened to it on myspace the other night and fell in love. Of course, she could sing the phone book and I'd still put it on non-stop repeat.

I recommend downloading the new album to everyone, with the exception of Matt, who still can't forgive Jenny Lewis for stealing Rose Nylund's beloved teddy bear all those years ago.

Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue

Bonus: I found an mp3 of the new Christina Aguilera track "Keeps Gettin' Better," and yeah, it sounds like Goldfrapp, but that's not such a horrible thing. Plus..."superbitch."

Christina Aguilera - "Keeps Gettin' Better"

2008-09-08T05:30:00.000-07:00

Hilarious!

2008-08-29T22:08:00.000-07:00

Still on the fence about Solange?

Well, check out this clip of an interview, and then we'll talk.

Yeah. What a bitch. I still don't even know what really happened, but I'm done with her.

If that video left a bad taste in your mouth, check this one out.

It's a bunch of seventh graders performing "1234" by Feist, choreography and everything! Adorable!

Kinda puts our rendition of "Boot Scootin' Boogie" to shame, don't you think?

End of Summer '08 Mix

2008-08-16T10:42:00.000-07:00

One of you made a comment about missing my Top Songs of the Year mix, and it's true...I had started one at the end of 2007, I had the songs all picked out and everything, but I was in transition and for whatever reason did not follow through with it.

But to make up for it, I made a fun End of Summer '08 mix. Yes, it's a rar file, and yes, you have to download it and burn it to a CD and listen to it in your car on the way to the winery, lake, dog park, bingo casino....whatever it is that you do in the summertime. Me, I like to sun my sexy, shiny legs.

DOWNLOAD JOE'S END OF SUMMER '08 MIX!!

I don't know what order these songs will be in when you open it, but this is the order I see them in when I open winRAR:

1. "Black and Gold" - Sam Sparro

I don't know much about this dude. I think he's foreign and gay. What else do you need? I will give you this, though: my niece knows this song from her dance class, and that's awesome.

2. "Dry Town" - Miranda Lambert

Sure, it's a country song, but that's no reason for you to skip past it to get to Solange. It's so cute -- she's stuck in some random town and can't find any Miller Lite. I can really relate to this tune because the only liquor store in the CWE is STILL boarded up, even though they promised to be open in May '08.

3. "I Decided" - Solange

I alternate between rooting for Solange and despising her. She's going to be compared to her big sis Beyonce until the end of time, and that's gotta suck. But then she makes horrible videos and names her album Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams.

I take it back -- her videos aren't horrible. It's just that there's so much going on in them that it's hard to take it all in.

See? That's a lot of look.

4. "I Know UR Girlfriend Hates Me" - Annie

I'm not sure if it's really spelled "UR" but that's how it's tagged in this mp3. Cute song, even if I think a 35-year-old woman should be concerned with more important things.

5. "Lights Out" - Santogold

You might know this song from the Bud Light Lime commercials, but that's not why I love it. I love it because it's smooth and refreshing, laid-back, and perfect for a warm summer day. Please listen responsibly.

6. "Oh My God" - Mark Ronson feat. Lily Allen

I wanted to show Mark Ronson some love after catching his photo spread in that weird (sort of) magazine that usually comes packaged with the New Yorker, and comes out around the same time as that special on CBS where Fergie inevitably warbles through some lame number while wearing a tiny teddy or something. Fashion Rocks, maybe?

Anyway, he looked hot.

7. "Oxford Comma" - Vampire Weekend

Alan: "I only need a few hours of sleep during the week. I stay up until three and get up at eight. Then I catch up on Saturday and Sunday."

Me: "I'm the opposite. I like to get a lot of sleep during the week, and then get crazy on the weekends and stay up all night and sleep all day. I'm like a vampire, but only on weekends. Oh my god!"

8. "Paper Planes (original version)" - M.I.A.

Here's how I envision it:

M.I.A. writes a song. She includes the lyric "All I wanna do is zoom zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom." Teddy Riley of Wreckx-n-Effect denies her request to use it, because, hello, she's a crazy blue-wig wearing rapper who may or may not have terrorist connections. She replaces the line with gunshot sounds, making the song about nine zillion times more awesome.

A year later, the song is in the top ten of Billboard's Hot 100 (seriously!).

Don't feel bad for Teddy Riley, though. He's probably still living off of the money he made from Guy.

9. "Pot Kettle Black" - Tilly and the Wall

Definitely my favorite band that uses tap-dancing as percussion.

10. "Singer Songwriter" - Okkervil River

I haven't even stopped loving the Okkervil River album that came out last year, but this new one is just as good. I love this song the most. It basically says, "Yeah, we can all agree that you have amazing taste. You like the best movies and music and art, etc., but that's all you have going for you. And everyone thinks you're a snob about it."

At least that's what I get from it.

11. "Souled Out!!!" - Conor Oberst

I have three words for you: shirtless Conor Oberst. He's no Jason Bateman, but he has been on my list of celebrities I'd like to see shirtless.

12. "That's Not My Name" - The Ting Tings

I probably couldn't tell you exactly why I love this song so much. And truthfully, it should be about two minutes shorter than it actually is. But it's sassy, and brassy, and bold.

13. "Erase/Rewind" (Kleerup Remix) - The Cardigans

Fact #1: I've loved The Cardigans for more than a decade.

Fact #2: Robyn worked with this Kleerup dude on "With Every Heartbeat," probably one of my favorite songs of all time.

I was pretty excited to learn about this remix, which was included on the recent "best of" album. It didn't really blow me away, but it's cute, and the Cardigans can do no wrong, in my book.

14. "This is Not a Test" - She & Him

OMG She & Him are so adorable. I love the album, the video, I love everything about them. My other niece wasn't too keen on this song, but she changed her mind when I told her that the singer was in Elf.

15. "Two Halves" - My Morning Jacket

The only song in this mix that I wouldn't describe as "cute," "Two Halves" sums up perfectly how I feel about the gray hairs that are suddenly appearing all over my head. Wyatt said it best: "He's getting old!"

Here's another link to download if you haven't already!

End of Summer Mix

2008-08-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

Check out my adorable nephew Dylan singing "Bleeding Love." I'm not sure why it's so quiet, but trust me, it's worth it.

2008-07-28T20:37:00.000-07:00

Before I forget...

If you Google "How I Became a Tranny," my blog is the second hit.

Also, who has seen this picture of Jack McBrayer from this months GQ? I still can't get over it.

Best picture ever. I'm going to cut it out, fold it up, put it in a rusty Sucrets tin, and store it in a hat box that looks old, but it's new and you bought it at TJ Maxx.

_________________

I bought Rock Band, and if I had to pick a band that most resembles our style, I'd go with Imperial Teen, since we switch instruments a zillion times during our set. Well, that and the whole gay thing.

We should feel sorry for Dave and Alan, who have to watch me play guitar and sing lead at the same time on Radiohead's "Creep" at least once a night. It's a real mess. They'll be using footage of it at my intervention real soon, I'm sure.

Speaking of questionable drunken behavior, we drove up to Milwaukee this weekend to spend some quality time with Kari, Stacey, and Baron. Good times. Kari took us to the hottest club in creation, and I'm talking temperature-wise, not necessarily about the quality of people in the establishment...although they weren't nothin' to sneeze at. Anyway, by the end of our marathon dance session, I was completely soaked.

And what is this thing I do where I get drunk and take off my clothes? It's a new item in my repertoire, and one that will be ending shortly. (I was recently black-mailed). I would like to take this time to apologize to the woman in Kari's apartment building who chose the absolute worst time to come home Saturday night.

Finally, we've come to the Danity Kane portion of the evening. I don't know how it happened, but I have to listen to them every day and it's a little unsettling.

See for yourself.

pics:

Cute!

2008-07-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

It's Feist on Sesame Street!

2008-07-08T14:02:00.000-07:00

Something sad happened today.

I saw it coming for a while now, but it still kinda startled me.

I used up all the free space on my iPod.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have bought that episode of The Sarah Silverman Program, but it's my favorite ever, and it was on sale for 99 cents.

I decided to clear out some albums that I just don't listen to. Some choices were easy (so long, Sufjan and the Supremes!), but some took a little bit of soul-searching (what if I decide to like the Walkmen again?).

But I did find a rar file of the new Mamma Mia soundtrack, and let's face it, people, I'm gonna put that on my iPod.

"Mamma Mia!" - Meryl Streep

2008-06-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last post. To make up for it, here's a cute video from yesterday starring Wyatt.

Free Music!!

2008-06-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

First things first, here's some MMJ . . . in fact, I think I'll go with Karen's recommendation for "I'm Amazed."

My Morning Jacket - "I'm Amazed"

and maybe some "traditional" MMJ . . .

My Morning Jacket - "One Big Holiday"

I forgot to mention Estelle's "American Boy" when discussing vacation music the other day, so here's a bonus track . . .

Estelle - "American Boy"

It also occurred to me that some of you might not have these awesome Robyn b-sides . . . Actually, this first one might not be a b-side. I have no idea where it comes from, but it's one of my all-time favorites.

Robyn - "This One's For You"

This was on some UK-only single --

Robyn - "Message in a Bottle" (Police cover)

Finally, here's what I mean when I call Fergie "PeePants McGee"

Can You Stay Up to See the Dawn?

2008-06-15T15:45:00.001-07:00

I've never denied the fact that I'm a Radio Nazi. I annoy friends and co-workers alike with my multiple playlists.

If I'm forced to work a weekend, I retaliate by playing my iPod in the pharmacy non-stop.

One co-worker -- let's call her Sherry Ann -- has no problem voicing her opinions about the artists that appear on my "Work" playlist. She hates ANYTHING affiliated with the rap genre, and LCD Soundsystem gives her a headache.

"It sounds like a CD is skipping," she told me. Plus, his songs are all like nine minutes long and it drives her nuts.

Her least favorite artist, hands down, is M.I.A. At first I assumed it was a generation gap thing, since she's in her fifties, but yesterday the 18-year old kid heard "Sunshowers" and asked, "What the hell is this music???"

Sherry Ann was also shocked to hear that I don't like kd lang, since she knows how much I enjoy "sultry ladies." (I played Feist for months on end last year -- I was obsessed.)

She thinks Radiohead and Arcade Fire are moody, but she enjoys In Rainbows. She pointed out today the similarities between the final notes of "Nude" and the part in The Little Mermaid when Ariel is giving her voice to the sea hag.

The minivan we rented in Florida had an auxillary jack for an iPod, much to my delight and to the chagrin of the other Fruity Splashers. Here's a list of songs that we probably never want to hear again (which is partly my fault, partly the fault of one 103.9 FM)

1. "Damaged" - Danity Kane

Do, do you got a first aid kit, tranny?

2. "Touch My Body" - Mariah Carey

Not even the thought of Kenneth in a tank top can help me get through this song.

3. "Take a Bow" - Rihanna

Are we done with songs about no-good ex-boyfriends yet? Yeah? Can someone tell Rihanna this?

4. "No Air" - Jordin Sparks

The songs asks repeatedly, "How am I supposed to breathe with no air?" Then Ms. Sparks says:

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

Really? You don't care? Then why should we? Quit asking us how you're supposed to breathe with no air!! Also, growing gills would probably help you when you're "out here in the water so deep."

There are a few songs that I'll always associate with our trip to Florida that I'm NOT completely sick of yet, and I've included links to download.

1. "Click, Flash" - Ciara

2. "All Dressed in Love" - Jennifer Hudson

3. "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" - Vampire Weekend

Also, I've been trying to get the gays to like My Morning Jacket, but it's not going so well. Feist was a much easier sell, what with the colorful video and the snazzy choreography and all.

My Summer Gaycation (or, How I Became a Fruity Splasher)

2008-06-12T06:33:00.000-07:00

First off, the amazing house we stayed in for five days? Here's how I can best describe it ...

Remember The Real World, how every season started off with the new housemates scrambling through the hallways, asking each other, "We get to live here?!" That's what it was like. And yes, I talk about The Real World like it's no longer being made, but that's because I stopped watching after the Chicago season. That doesn't mean I still don't think about how I would come across on TV if I were picked to be on the show, but I digress...

The seemingly never-ending supply of beer and various frozen drinks was also like something from The Real World. Oh, and glass bottles weren't allowed in the pool or hot tub, so I gladly poured my Bud Light Limes into frosty mugs, thinking, "This way they won't have to blur out the logos when the shows air."

The morning after one particular Ruthie-style night of binge drinking, we headed to IHOP. (My repeated requests to eat at a Golden Corral went mostly ignored). Our table was quite close to the waitress station and the kitchen, so we heard everything.

1. One waitress asked another waitress, "Are you pregnant!?"
2. Two cooks flipped a coin to decide who was the father.
3. A customer told the cook that if his egg whites were runny, he was going to throw them in his face.
4. Cook held up a giant knife and said, "Not a good idea. I've got plenty of these back here."

That's when we decided that the time has come for a new reality show. Cameras would follow the lives of these cheeky IHOP employees, capturing all the wacky hijinks that ensue. Oh, I forgot to mention that our cute waitress was married to the knife-wielding short order cook. But don't worry, we plan on sending in a new, hot manager to shake things up.

At first, I thought the title of our show should be something about breaking eggs to make omelets, but that's too wordy. How about Flapjack'd?

On the way out, we noticed a sign for a new drink called Fruity Splashers. Our gang needed a name. We're gay, and we swam a lot, so I thought it fit. The story of our initiation into the gang will come at a later date. Maybe.

Probably not.

The hot tub

Shopping trip

Pancake face man

Dreamsicle

The Margarator

**more pics to come later, I'm still waiting on Alan to burn me a cd.

For Karen...

2008-05-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

...who wanted a new post. Does anyone else think my nephew looks like Kenneth the Page?

Big Ideas (Don't Get Any)

2008-05-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

After some thought (and the deletion of exactly one post), I decided to "allow everybody" to view this blog again. I'm sure the same 12 people will still be reading, with the occasional reader stopping by every now and then because he/she googled "Jason Bateman shirtless."

Today is May 17. It's been exactly six months since "the break-up" and I'm quite tired of re-examining what went wrong and what could've been done differently. Dave and Alan are also probably happy that I decided a few weeks ago that today will be the day I stop talking about the whole thing.

(One other thing...I only know today is exactly six months since the break-up because it took place on our anniversary).

And while six months is exactly half the time Charlotte York would take to mourn that relationship, it feels like a perfectly acceptable amount of time for me.

And speaking of Charlotte, in anticipation of the arrival of the newest EW featuring SATC on the cover, here's a little gem I found from the soundtrack. It's a new song by Fergie called "Labels or Love."

It's atrocious. I think Alan's first words upon hearing the tune were, "Dear God." And he's an atheist! But it's Fergie, so that means I'll hate it the first five or six times I listen to it, but come June it'll be on my Top 25 Most Played list.

She doesn't sing-spell anything this time, but there are made-up words. "Califragi-sexy" is one of them, and I have no idea what it means. Until I see the movie, I'm going to pretend it's the name of Charlotte and Harry's adopted Chinese daughter.

Fergie - "Labels or Love"
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Has everyone seen how adorable Angela's baby is? She just turned 1 last week.

Here's a pic of me and my girl Lizzie at the Cards game.

And my new favorite beer...

And while I don't have pics or videos of my own from the Radiohead concert, please just take my word that it was the best concert ever. Usually I get tired of standing at shows and end up thinking, "Please, no encore." But OMG, Radiohead wouldn't. Stop. Playing! And I loved it.

Radiohead Setlist 5/14/08 - St. Louis, MO

Set 1: All I Need, Jigsaw Falling Into Place, Airbag, 15 Step, Nude, Kid A, Weird Fishes/Arpeggi, The Gloaming, You and Whose Army?, Idioteque, Faust Arp, Videotape, Everything in Its Right Place, Reckoner, Optimistic, Bangers ++ Mash, Bodysnatchers

Encore 1: Exit Music (for a film), Myxomatosis, My Iron Lung, There There, Fake Plastic Trees

Encore 2: Pyramid Song, House of Cards, Paranoid Android

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P.S. To the guy or girl that keeps googling "Jason Bateman shirtless" -- give it up. It's never gonna happen.

2008-05-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered that not even rain will stop me from drinking beer outdoors.

Saturday night, we attended the Beer Festival in Forest Park. To say it was muddy is a giant understatement.

Last night, I went to the Cardinals game against the Pirates? I'm pretty sure that's who we played. Their uniforms were HTM's.

Tonight is the Radiohead show, and while it's cloudy out now, I'm hoping for a dry evening for once.

Here's a stupid Radiohead remix that I did for that contest they had last month. I didn't do anything to the song except speed it up and add a little vocals at the beginning. I call it "Nude (in 2 minutes)," which is a better idea than my instrumental version that I was going to call "(Never) Nude."

Radiohead - "Nude"

And I promised The Gays I would put up the new awesome Weezer song.

Weezer - "Troublemaker"

2008-05-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

I had lunch at the Boathouse yesterday, and it reminded me of Puppy Party 2007. That was like the perfect day.

I keep having Rigby dreams lately, which are better than other dreams I could be having, I suppose.

And because I can't stop talking about Robyn, here's the song she did last night on David Letterman.

Robyn - "Cobrastyle"

2008-04-22T21:35:00.000-07:00

This one is for Val. It's our favorite news blooper.

Music Roundup

2008-04-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

Picture it: St. Louis. 2005.

I download some songs by Robyn. Isn't she that blonde girl from Sweden with the hit "Show Me Love?"

Yes, it is.

But her newest album was awesome. I was obsessed.

Now it's 2008, and it's FINALLY being released in the U.S.

There's no reason I should be excited. Except...

A: There's all this new press. Rolling Stone, Details, Blender, etc.

B: They show her videos in gay bars!

With Every Heartbeat
Be Mine

And in other music news that no one could be excited about except for me....

The Pipettes kicked out two members!

Goodbye, two members of The Pipettes! I think I'll miss you most of all, Pipette that looks like Judy Greer!

And finally, Lily Allen released two new demos. This is for Alan, Mr. "What do you mean no one can rip her two new songs from myspace?"

I Don't Know
I Could Say

Nobody Gets Outta Here Without Singing the Blues

2008-04-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

OMG, y'all!

It was announced today that they're remaking Teen Witch starring somebody called Ashley Tisdale.

Just kidding, I know who she is. She's the blonde bitch from High School Musical who got a nose job, right?

This is horrible news. There's no way they'll be able to re-create the creepiness of the little brother.

I shouldn't be too worried though. After all, production on the updated Adventures in Babysitting (starring Raven Symone) was stopped because I wished so hard for it.

2008-04-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

Soooo many pictures of Alan's birthday party are rolling in. I've condensed them into a handy collage, thanks to Picasa.

And here is a new short film I've made about the perils of addiction. Brace yourselves, folks, it's pretty heavy stuff. I call it "Where's My Original?"

And here are a couple mixtapes, courtesy of Jimmy and Kari.
(And not Karen because she can't upload to the site...but I've seen the tracklist and it would be awesome.)

Here's my new one.

I'm rekindling my love affair with Gilmore Girls today. You know who's making it hard for me, though? That red-haired bitch that wants to raise hemlines on the school uniforms. She annoys me with every line reading.

2008-04-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

To all my Feist friends, here's the Let It Die album I was talking about. Click here, please.

She was so adorable last night at the Pageant. The show kinda sagged in the middle when she played the slowest song ever followed by a cover and a new, unreleased song. It was like sonic Ambien. But she was adorable and kooky and they used an overhead projector to doodle along to the songs.

Yes, I know how bad the camera on my cell phone sucks.

I'm also sorry to report that the new casino in St. Louis does NOT -- I repeat -- does NOT offer Hoot Loot.

I have just two submissions for the muxtape exchange program. I will post them later.

For now, enjoy these pics from Alan's 30th bday.

2008-04-03T15:34:00.000-07:00

Here's an update to this post.

click to enlarge

It's a screen capture of the Top Played Songs on my iPod.

Nothing unexpected here -- lesbian twins from Canada, cheeky British ladies, former American Idol winners, Spoon.

And to think that I'd never heard that song by Pretty Girls Make Graves until I visited Miranda last summer! I still don't know what that band looks like.

I invite you, dear readers, to share the number one most played song on your iPod (or Zune, if you're lame).

No cheating!

And has anyone else made a mixtape? Please do, because then I can listen to good music without having to open iTunes (the memory hog, which forces me to reboot my computer after about five songs).

Why I Should Be Married to Will Arnett

2008-04-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

So there's a new interview with Will Arnett in some random magazine, and he's answering some question, and then...

[His cell phone rings.]

Q: What is that, the Benny Hill theme?

WA: Yeah. I can't lie, I totally stole this idea. I was having dinner with my friend Zach Galifianakis, a comedian, and that tough-guy actor Ray Winstone [of Sexy Beast] was sitting behind us. We were both fawning, looking at him doe-eyed. Then his phone went off and it was Benny Hill, and we both lost it.

2008-03-31T19:42:00.000-07:00

I'd love to fill everyone in on the crazy happenings of this weekend, but I'm so beat. So I made you all a mixtape.

Please give it a listen and let me know what you think.

A few notes:

*Don't be put off by the Johnathan Rice song (because he sucks) -- it's actually a duet with the lovely Jenny Lewis.

*I went with the homemade radio edit of the new DCFC song because you only need that extra 4 minutes of instumental if you're driving around in the rain, which is like every day in STL for the past month.

*The Britta of Dean and Britta refers to the chick who played Billie in Satisfaction and was also the voice of Jem. Truly outrageous! (I may have used that joke once already. I'm so tired!)

Click here to enjoy!

I Dream and That's a Fact

2008-03-21T15:38:00.000-07:00

It's been brought to my attention that I don't update that often, and that is correct.

Therefore, I intend to rectify this situation by offering a sort-of Week In Review.

Ste. Genevieve --

My dreams almost came true when I got an almost-kiss from Jeremy. Miranda and I think he is totally dreamy. And he's sooooo nice.

Bowling Update --

Our team played the second-ranked team, and we won 2 out of 3 games. Not too shabby for The Gutter Punkz. On the other hand, I noticed that I am the lowest-scoring bowler on the lowest-ranked team in our Big Gay Bowling League. Ouch.

Favorite New Ringtone --

The theme music to Benny Hill.

Favorite Music Moment --

For the fortieth week in a row, it's that part in Arcade Fire's "My Body is a Cage" when all the instruments come in at once and blow you away.

Second Favorite Music Moment --

The part in Heidi Montag's "Higher" when the song ends and she whisper-asks "Am I dreaming?" and then there are these weird zapping sounds.

Best Purchase of the Week --

At 99 cents for 8 minutes and thirty seconds of music, it really just boils down to simple economics, people. Although thanks to WavePad, I've made a mix-cd-friendly "Radio Edit."

Best Almost Purchase of the Week--

Sure, I'd wear it to Alan's 80's-themed birthday party, but let's face it -- I'd probably wear it a thousand times after that.

How I Know Spring Has Arrived--

There are a zillion more protesters outide of Planned Parenthood, and I'm 95 percent sure I saw one urinating through the gate onto a parked car.

Letdown of the Week--

The Return of Jezebel James. I'm gay, I love Parker Posey, I love Lauren Ambrose, and I loved Gilmore Girls. If I hated this show, there is no hope for survival. The least they could do is lose the laugh track.

My New Favorite Game --

"Dog Pee, Vinegar, or Indian Food?" It goes like this -- before I get on the elevator in my building, I predict what smell will greet me when the doors open -- dog pee, vinegar, or Indian food? I'm actually really good at this game.

2008-03-06T20:06:00.000-08:00

Remember my adorable nephew Dylan? He likes to wear a pink wig? My sis took this cute video of him singing a song.

It's my new ringtone. I can't get enough of this song!

It's Mayor Bee Time!

2008-03-04T09:30:00.000-08:00

Like Kari, I only started watching Family Guy when I stayed at Dave and Alan's. It's all they watch, except for The View, which I also now watch.

Yay! It's Mayor Bee!

My weekend was quite eventful. Happy hour with the work gang (which usually goes until 11 or so).

I got to see B-Pryde and Kringas on Saturday. We ate lunch and then went to a Target I'd never been to before (bonus!)

On Sunday, we had the event for DramaRama Theatre Company, which was quite fun. It was a little hot in that restaurant, but who's going to complain when there are free mojitos to be had? Plus, you could always cool off by standing next to the giant ice sculpture.

2008-02-28T18:47:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to report, since I've just been working, bowling, and playing Wii.

But I promised more action on this blog, so here's a present...

"Backwoods Barbie" - Dolly Parton

2008-01-10T13:54:00.001-08:00

I took a quick trip to my hometown yesterday.

Sure, Ste. Gen. is small. And boring. And yes, I had to yield the right-of-way to a lady on a horse yesterday.

But -- and this is a big "but" for me -- SG has THREE gas stations with drive-thru windows. This means you can drive up and order a 32 oz. fountain soda and a pack of smokes, and they HAVE to get it for you! Do you know how much I would pay for that kind of service in STL?

Also, is this not the cutest baby in the history of babies?

This little cutie belongs to my girl Angela. Only one person at lunch thought I was the dad.

Make a Plan to Love Me, Asshole.

2008-01-07T20:47:00.000-08:00

I'm finally listening to the newest Bright Eyes album. I'm like eight months late, but guess what, I'm also just getting around to the newest Arcade Fire. I'm like the worst fake hipster ever.

I also just joined a gay bowling league. But it's like supergay. The president wears a different wig for each frame. For real.

I won a raffle on our first night for the "strike bowl." They drew my ticket and if I'd bowled a strike, I would have won five hundred dollars. Everyone watched. I knocked over seven pins.

At least it wasn't a gutter.

Speaking of, I wanted our team name to be "The Gutter Sluts."

I was vetoed. We're the Gutter Punkz. Yeah, with a "z."

I'd post pics, but I'm waiting on Dave to send me the good non-blurry ones.

I'm Gonna Put Jellybeans in Mine!

2008-01-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

My public was clamoring for more posts from me (okay, so it was just Kari, but still, it's nice to be wanted), so here I am on New Year's Day, trying to think of stuff that's happened in the past month or so.

I could write about spending time with my family, how the kids just keep getting cuter and funnier.

How my mom really needs to wrap just one gift at a time and then put the nametag on immediately after.

I could write about my Christmas in Ste. Genevieve, how I spent Xmas Eve in a bar with dead animals on the wall. And yet Feist was on the jukebox.

Or the party we went to later that night, where some dude from the SG called me Al-Qaeda. Or how the same guy ended up O.D.-ing the next day.

Or how Miranda and I decided our new catchphrase is going to be "To Completion!?"

I could write about my new apartment and the haunted radiator, or the fact that the glare on my monitor is a brand new phenomenon, since it's been cloudy and/or dreary for the past two weeks straight.

I could write about FINALLY getting to watch the weed episode of The Facts of Life again, after like, 20-something years, and still thinking it's mean that the writers made Natalie buy a bong to store her junk food supply.

I could write about the parties I went to last night, how I was way overdressed to be playing Guitar Hero III or taking before-and-after pics of Brandon's crotch. (It was innocent, I promise). I did have lot of fun, though, don't get me wrong.

How have I never heard of that tradition where you write something down that you want to be over with in the new year, then you throw the piece of paper in the fire?

Anyway, I look forward to the end of the Writers' Strike any day now. You're welcome!

2007-11-28T12:47:00.000-08:00

So it's over. It had to end sometime.

Anyone know of cheap apartments for rent? (thanks Limey for the tip)

This will be the last Debbie Downer post....I have plenty of new pics and videos of the kids.

I took Darby, Zoe, and Ethan to see Enchanted on Thanksgiving. I'm not sure who enjoyed the movie more. I heart Amy Adams!

Ethan made this sign, even though he ate plenty of turkey that day.

Isn't Sidney adorable!?

Smiley baby!

Stop! Hammer time!

party pics. What's up, Kari? "Sixty cents, Mr. Joseph Christopher! Hoot loot!"

And finally, my nieces and nephews getting excited over a remote-controlled helicopter.

2007-11-12T19:42:00.000-08:00

Finally, I'm able to assign different ringtones to my contacts on my new cell phone (thanks to dave), but I need some more help.

I need a new signal for my text messages, and for some reason I thought it would be really funny to use the Imperial Margarine fanfare (dun-dun-dun-DUN), but yeah, it wasn't funny after a day.

Any suggestions?

:(

2007-11-01T18:39:00.000-07:00

So, I love my new blackjack. However, my new text messaging plan doesn't start until 11/11/2007.

I'm already over by a LOT, so please refrain from texting me until that time.

Thanks.

Joe

Some Things That I Love Right Now

2007-10-30T18:44:00.000-07:00

1. I found the most amazing mp3 blog in the history of mp3 blogs --

Mixtape Maestro Presents: 90's R&B Junkie

It's almost like some dude stole my cassette single collection, digitized every song, wrote an essay about each track, and finally, uploaded each mp3 to zShare!

Seriously, this guy has Brandy, TLC, R. Kelly, Xscape... the list goes on and on. But it's the extra effort that's put into the blog that makes it worthwhile.

Like, he doesn't just post "I Wanna Be Down" by Brandy -- he posts the remix featuring Yo Yo, Queen Latifah and MC Lyte.

Take the entry on TLC's "Creep" -- he posted the cover by Afghan Whigs, which took me something like six years to finally hear! (I think it's one of the first songs I ever looked up on Napster).

2. My new Blackjack. It's cute, I love it, but I can't assign different ringtones to everyone. :(

3. Baby Rigs. I just gave him a bath, so he smells good for once. Also, he just learned how to lift his leg when he pees.

4. Scrabulous. Feel free to challenge me. (I'm holdyourownhand, and i do NOT use word builder websites....anymore)

5. Alicia Keys. She's never exactly been one of my favorite musicians, but I have high hopes for her new CD.

Finally, happy belated birthday to Dave, who turned thirty years young this weekend.

Happy Halloween!!!

2007-10-24T12:51:00.001-07:00

Puppy Party in the Park!

2007-10-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

Since today was quite possibly the last 75-degree Sunday we'll have in St. Louis this year, we decided to take the puppies to Forest Park.

I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Oh, and shout out to Uri who went out with us Friday night:

On My Mind:

2007-10-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

1. There should be a law that prohibits you from getting the same two Monopoly pieces on a single box of fries, especially if they're the bullshit purple properties at the beginning of the board.

2. Has Kylie Minogue been listening to Goldfrapp lately? My guess is yes.

2007-10-14T08:31:00.001-07:00

I'm so over Conor Oberst and Sufjan Stevens. They're cute, yeah, but it's time for a new indie-rock crush ... or two.

My first pick is Britt Daniel of Spoon.

Lukas pointed out his big ears, but I don't mind them at all. I won't tell you why.

Next is Howlin' Pelle Almqvist of The Hives.

Downside: He's very arrogant. Also, I feel like he'd yell a lot in bed.

I've been listening to some Okkervil River lately, and thought I'd google them to see if the lead singer needed to be included in this list. Pass.
------

I came across this picture today and thought I'd put it up:

I should've worn that to the concert last month!

One last item:

Who hasn't seen www.beonlineb.com yet? Go there if you like Arcade Fire, crazy Flash animation, or want to drown Win Butler.

2007-10-12T20:25:00.001-07:00

I sorta thought B Pryde or Shavita would be all over this, but here are some videos from B Pryde's Birthday Karaoke Party.

Here's Dreamgirls. Shavita came up with the choreography about an hour before the performance took place. I'm a slow learner.

And here's "What Is This Feeling?" from Wicked.

Bonus vid:

Miranda giving B Pryde his Bday present.

Dream come true

2007-10-05T07:32:00.000-07:00

We traded in Rigby for a pet owl!

My 10 Year High School Reunion

2007-10-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been talking about my reunion for 2 weeks now, and it's because I had way more fun than I ever imagined.

I talked to some friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. I talked to people that I didn't even really talk in school. I drank keg beer.

We moved from the reunion to the only bar in town, we closed it down, then we went to a party and passed out in our clothes. Good times!

Sure, there were some Ste. Gen. moments . . .

Like, when I asked an old friend where her husband disappeared to, she said he went out to smoke because he was upset. He was dared to fart into the microphone on stage. For some reason, she wouldn't let him.

I found him outside and tried to talk him into it, I told him it would be comedy gold. (I was drunk). He farted right in front of me. "Save it for the stage!" I yelled.

Pre-reunion refreshments

Tyson and me

K of C Hall

Yes, that's my friend Angela. In a high chair.

2007-09-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

It's possible I'm still hungover from my 10-year High School Reunion, so these two pictures will have to do for now. More details to come....

Rilo Kiley - 9/12/2007, Columbia, MO

2007-09-17T15:37:00.000-07:00

Amazing. Jenny's voice was perfect all night long. I didn't even mind Johnathan Rice as opener.

Setlist:

It's a Hit
Close Call
Portions for Foxes
Paint's Peeling
Breakin' Up
Dreamworld
Moneymaker
Wires and Waves
Ripchord
With Arms Outstretched
Silver lining
I Never
Smoke Detector
15
Rise Up with Fists
Greetings in Braille
Spectacular Views

encore:
A Man/Me/Then Jim
Does He Love You?

Here's a lil' video I took of Jenny's dance to "Smoke Detector." Adorable!

2007-09-10T05:34:00.001-07:00

My Holiday Weekend

2007-09-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

Saturday doesn't count. I did nothing.

Sunday:

Picked up Miranda in Ste. Gen and headed to The Cave. We also brought TJ. And Rigby!

And my mom!

The award for Scariest Bug to Land in a Wine Glass went to Wasp, for landing in Lukas' glass.

Second place goes to the four hundred flies that flew into everyone's glasses at various points throughout the day.

Me and my mom.

Dogs were not allowed in the actual cave, so Virgie volunteered to keep an eye on Rigby while we took a tour.

Rigby found a twin! Rigby's cuter, though, right?

Details are hazy, but after the winery, we all went to Virgie's for some home-cooked deliciousness. Who knew she didn't own a corkscrew?

Miranda didn't take this news very well.

Somehow, we managed to open a bottle. Next, of course, we all took turns holding Rigby and took pictures.

cutesy, yes, but whatever....

2007-08-27T17:23:00.001-07:00

It's really only been a week since my last post? That can't be right.

Anyway, I had the day off and I'm beat. I'm going to let my puppy, Rigby, take over blogging duties today.

Take it, Rigs!

Hello everyone. I'm the adorable Boston terrier that Joe likes to dress up. He only showed you the pictures of me in the green polo, right? I had a feeling he wouldn't post that video of the time he made me wear a wig and prance around to "Dreamgirls." What a day that was!

Today was also exciting. Joe had the day off, which means I got to go outside every 1 and 1/2 hours. But when will my owner learn that I like to pee every 45 minutes?

Joe left for a while in the morning, and he returned with bags from Target. Typical. He didn't get any treats for me and my sis, though -- just (more) cleaning products and the Rilo Kiley issue of Spin.

Then he tried to read the new magazine outside on the deck -- by himself! The nerve! I barked and clawed until he let me out on the deck with him. Guess what, people -- it is hot outside! My pink little paws couldn't handle the hotness!

I think Joe sensed that I don't like when he picks up Daddy Number 2 from work and leaves me at home, so I got to ride in the car! It wasn't all fun, though. I threw up a little from Joe's erratic driving. Okay maybe "a little" isn't accurate -- I'm not sure where it all came from.

Finally, Joe made me and Kaya go outside for pictures, but we were not havin' it, y'all. It was hot!

I tried to give Joe hints -- I glared at him like I was Britney Spears and he was a photographer for tmz.com

I fake yawned

Finally we got to go back inside, but the pictures just didn't stop.

Don't worry, though, I got him back...I peed on his bedroom carpet. Don't tell him or Lukas!

Music.

2007-08-19T16:30:00.001-07:00

If anyone cares, I actually did get a chance to download the new Rilo Kiley album. I've listened to it about three times now, and I actually understand why some longtime fans are pissed.

There isn't a single track on the new album that would fit in on their last release, More Adventurous. While (to me) that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it should be noted that MA is in my top five albums of all time.

The new album is dance-y. I think i told Blood Ray that it has a roller-skating jam feel to it. One song in particular sounds like it could be an old Xscape b-side. I love it.

Anyway, M.I.A. also has some new music out, and yes, you can dance to this one as well.

You don't have to have 16 arms to dance to it, but it helps.

Required viewing: the new video for "Jimmy."

*Aside to Dr. Evil -- I finally got rid of the hiccups last night after Lukas slammed on the brakes in an effort to scare them out of me. It worked!

One last thing -- Has everyone seen this adorable picture of my mom holding Rigby?

Under the Blacklight -- I'm desperate!

2007-08-11T20:33:00.001-07:00

I've been searching for WEEKS now, waiting for Rilo Kiley to leak. I'm exhausted. Someone, anyone, please... help a brother out.

2007-08-06T16:14:00.000-07:00

I hate pop-ups and misleading advertisements, especially those tricky Google ads that somehow know that I like Rilo Kiley or How I Met Your Mother. I know it has something to do with the pages I visit, but I've never seen such a misguided attempt as the one I found on a gay entertainment gossip message board:

I don't even know where to begin. Oh wait, yes I do . . .

Mariska Hargitay photos/videos? No thanks.

Divorce litigation in the greater Kansas City area?

And what exactly would a Ted Koppel ringtone sound like? Would it be his voice? Or the theme song to Nightline?

2007-07-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

It should come as no surprise that I loved the movie version of Hairspray.

Here's what surprised me, though -- I'm in love with James Marsden.

I used to think he was kind of bland.

Kudos to Amanda Bynes, too. So maybe she's not the best singer of the bunch, but she's funny. And adorable, right?

Dogz

2007-07-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

I laugh literally every time I look at this picture:

These are my pups.

Also, take a look at this cloud I saw over the weekend --

Do you see a dog?

What about now?

This post brought to you by Sweet Tomatoes -- located on Watson Rd.

Valerie says, "Those are some Sweet Tomatoes!"

2007-07-19T20:00:00.001-07:00

Glitter Graphics

Have You Seen This Man?

2007-07-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my sister for sending me this link from a St. Cloud newspaper.

A hispanic man in his 20's robbed a convenience store, or something.

If you have any information, maybe you should just keep it to yourself, okay?

I kid, I kid.... She thinks this looks like me. I disagree. Lukas said, "It's a good thing this didn't happen in St. Louis or you would've been picked up by now."

A Little Sweat Ain't Never Hurt Nobody

2007-07-09T17:44:00.000-07:00

It's been too long since I've posted, so I have a lot to catch up on.

First, I'll tackle Kaya. She'd appreciate being first, if only she could read.

There's a new puppy in the house, so I'm sure it's difficult for her to adjust. Just take a look at this picture titled "This Used to Be My Playground." Sometimes it takes Rigby a little longer to finish up outside, so I'll put Kaya in the house. Then she makes the saddest dog face in the world.

Lukas and I packed up the dogs and took a trip to Indiana a couple of weeks ago. It didn't really sink in that Kaya lived there for 2 years before moving in with us until this trip.

When we entered the little subdivision, Kaya got antsy. She settled into her favorite spot to peoplewatch:

Then I learned of one of her former favorite activities -- running laps in the back yard.

This I could not believe. Girlfriend gets winded before I do on jogs in Forest Park, and that's saying something.

Anyway, I was reminded of the old Liz Phair song "Jealousy."

I can't believe you had a life before me
I can't believe they let you run around free
Just putting your body wherever it seemed like a good idea

Topic 2:

Blood Ray

The Fourth of July holiday weekend (which, I guess wasn't really a weekend so much as a five or six day stretch of boozing) brought Blood Ray to town. It was quite eventful -- Karaoke at Freddie's, a few rounds of Friends Scene It, a trip to Ste. Gen. to see ColeBeanBay's performance of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (which was amazing!).

We also worked on a video, which I'd hoped to debut today but must now be postponed since Lukas is working on a PowerPoint presentation on the Mac.

Y'all, you would not believe how much Blood Ray loves Kaya and Rigby, and vice versa. It was a sight.

Topic 3:

Beyonce

I guess I have to ask first -- do you all know about the extended dance version of "Get Me Bodied?"

Someone told Beyonce it would be a good idea to add a few minutes to the end of my favorite song off of B'Day. She uses the extra time to bark dance commands to anyone listening in the club.

These dances include:

"Drop down low and sweep the floor with it."
"Pat your weave, ladies."
"Do an old school dance."
"Snap for the kids...snap in a circle three times."
"Do a Naomi Campbell walk."
etc.

So we're at Novak's, and it's understood between Lukas and I that I have to dance whenever a Beyonce song plays. Okay, so we're dancing, and I'm not quite sure if they're going to play the extended version or not, and suddenly I hear, "Ladies on the floor, all my ladies on the floor," and I know it's on, right?

Well, two guys know basically the entire routine and the whole club has encircled them, cheering them on and such. I'm cool with this, but while I'm on the perimeter, I'm gonna half-heartedly attempt some of the dances, mainly just the ones that involve snapping or walking.

I decided to try the "Scissor leg, touch your heel, touch your toe," which was my first mistake. My second mistake was forgetting to tell Lukas to give me some room. When it was time to touch my toe, I kicked a bottle of Budweiser out of his hand. I had no idea I had such kicking skills, because this bottle caught some air. I was wet, Lukas was wet...I saw the bottle land in the vicinity of the two GOOD dancers. As I was watching a muscle-y asian man wipe beer from his large arms, I yelled into Lukas' ear, "Slowly back off of the dance floor."

In other Beyonce news, SHE WAS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD LAST NIGHT!

According to the Columbia Missourian, two fans at last night's show in STL were injured by pyrotechnics. Beyonce visited them at BARNES-JEWISH HOSPITAL! I so wish I had gone to the concert now! That could've been ME in the ICU!

P.S. I'm trying a new font.

2007-06-20T20:11:00.001-07:00

Rigby made me miss the Slick Rick gig.

2007-06-18T16:19:00.001-07:00

Somebody stop me...

I was listening to "Me and Mr. Jones" by Amy Winehouse yesterday when I noticed Rigby out of the corner of my eye.

Suddenly, the song became "Me and Rigby Jones."

"What kind of puppery is this?"

In lieu of "Kayalicious Pt. II," please enjoy these adorable pics of Rigby.

Rigby cooling off in New Baden

My niece admitted that she only likes small dogs. (Sorry, Kaya!)

Sidney (the little one) wouldn't leave Rigby alone for a minute. She built him a little house in the shade.

The notoriously camera-shy Sidney asked if I would take her picture with Big Rig.

This is my favorite picture of Rigby.

Rigby already has a girlfriend, Roxie.

He sleeps this way in the car. Cute!

New Ethnic Jamboree

2007-06-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

Here's something to tide over fans of Ethnic Jamboree --

It's a video of Lil' Kim's "Queen Bitch" featuring Miranda. I've got a cameo, too. Coming soon - Ethnic Jamboree's first song!

more Rigby

2007-06-07T19:08:00.000-07:00

new addition

2007-06-06T20:30:00.000-07:00

Meet Rigby, the adorable Boston Terrier we adopted today.

Other possible names included Rilo, Dylan, and Bob. Guess which one was my idea.

Limecrete, you might not wanna read this....

2007-05-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

I'm used to seeing news anchors and Cardinals and such at my job, but nothing had prepared me for Saturday's events.

I glanced up and thought, "That looks a lot like Jennifer Westfeldt. Nah, couldn't be."

Before I go any further, let me add that Kissing Jessica Stein (which she co-wrote and starred in) is easily one of my favorite comedies of all time -- maybe number 2 or 3.

Okay, so I finally walk up to her and say, "Um, is your name Jennifer?"

"Yes," she said.

"Oh my God, I just want to say that I've seen Kissing Jessica Stein a hundred times it's one of my favorites and I'm a huge fan."

"Oh, thanks, that is so sweet."

...At least I think that's how it went. It's kind of a blur. My heart was beating fast and I got the shakes because I was so nervous. I didn't get a chance to tell her that I even rented How to Leave Your Lover (a straight-to-dvd movie that she starred in) just because she was in it.

Or that I tivo'd Notes From the Underbelly this season because she's the star of the show.

The second cutest thing I saw in the pharmacy this weekend?

Roxie!

The Return of Jezebel James

2007-05-21T19:54:00.001-07:00

It hasn't even been a week since I've said goodbye to my Gilmore Girls, and already clips from the upcoming Amy Sherman-Palladino show on Fox have surfaced online.

Watch clips here.

Parker Posey and Lauren Ambrose are two of my favorite people ever.

That being said, this new show looks...not funny. Maybe they'll have time to work on it before the fall season begins. *fingers crossed*

And at the risk of sounding like Aunt Linda, there isn't even a character named Jezebel James!

They need to lose the laugh track.

In other Parker Posey news --

Why is Fay Grim being released on DVD this week? I JUST read a review in the newest New Yorker.

One other thing --

I had a sex dream about Seth Meyer's brother. I can't even be bothered to look up his actual name, but he has been on Mad TV and That 70's Show.

Even in my dream, I was thinking, "God, why can't this be your hot brother!?"

He was, however, in great shape.

Fine, here's a side-by-side comparison:

Never mind ... they're identical except in the hair department.

TV Round-Up

2007-05-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

on How I Met Your Mother:

It's the moment we all knew was coming (and by "we," I mean the seven people who watch the show regularly) -- Ted and Robin broke up. Sure, we already knew she wasn't the titular Mother, but we figured it would be much later. After all, once we find out who Ted marries, the show is over.

Or when viewership dips below five million -- whichever happens first.

on The Sopranos:

Two long-running shows are leaving this year, and they're 2 of my favorites -- The Sopranos and Gilmore Girls. They really don't have anything in common except for their amazing use of music. Oh, and they have characters named Christopher.

I'd rather see Rory's dad perish in a fatal car accident than Christopher Moltisanti, but these things are beyond my control. We'll miss Christopher, if only for the fact that he once came up with the nickname "Little Lord Fuckpants." At least, I think that was him. So much time passes between seasons!

On Scrubs:

Why have I never cared about J.D. and Reid as a couple until these last few episodes?

On SNL:

I've missed you Molly Shannon, Sally O'Malley, and Mary Katherine Gallagher. Linkin Park, not so much.

On American Idol:

Fuck Blake.

I'm saving Gilmore Girls for another day.

the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.

2007-05-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

The place where I work is currently being remodeled. This means that everything I dislike about my job is now compounded by the insanely loud noises coming from jackhammers, buzzsaws, and other tools used during construction.

Me (yelling into phone): "I'm sorry, Mrs. X. What kind of stool softener do you want with your delivery?!"

Plus, there are the workers themselves who have to yell over the din. And did I mention the gay and Mexican jokes I have to listen to?

To be fair, they're never directed at me. But still, it makes me feel like I'm in my high school cafeteria again.

One of the construction workers asked me how I get any work done "with all the super-hot females that walk in."

I wanted to say, "I know, right? I'm always stopping them to ask where they get their hair done or where they bought their shoes!"

The leader of the bunch mentioned that he's always wanting to talk to the store's owner (another male), and asked me if that makes him gay. I said yes.

For the most part, I normally just overhear gay jokes or Mexican jokes and roll my eyes. Monday, however, was different. The Leader had just called Carlos a fag (a two-fer!) when the radio started playing TLC's "Waterfalls."

Dude #1: "This song is by that crazy chick that burned her husband's house down!"

Dude #2: "Oh yeah, didn't he play basketball?"

Dude #1: "Yeah, for Philadelphia, I think."

Dude #2: "Yeah, Allen something."

Dude #1: "Isn't she dead? Like in a plane crash?"

Dude #2: "Yeah."

My face turned red as I yelled out corrections to that exchange.

"They weren't married!"
"He played football for the Atlanta Falcons!"
"His name is Andre Rison!"
"It was a car accident!"

It was a little fun to correct them on the sports trivia part.

This and that.

2007-05-08T12:49:00.000-07:00

Today I'm presenting my iPod's Top 25 Played list. Initially, I wanted to post this at the same time as Blood Ray, so I'll save my comments on his list until he decides to share it.

I will say this, however -- this list only goes back to 3/12/07. Otherwise, songs from Dreamgirls, Wicked and Rent would have a much stronger showing.

click to enlarge.

I am a bit surprised that "Upgrade U" is my most played song. I didn't think I liked it that much. And I can't say this enough...Feist's The Reminder is completely addictive.

...

I caught Lauren Graham's appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. I was a little disappointed, but only because a remote-controlled truck (and not a robot) served the mojitos. Lauren Graham did mention that she only found out that Gilmore Girls was over the night before taping her appearance on Ellen. So much for my hopes that two different endings of the finale were taped.

Gilmore Update...

2007-05-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

from tvguide.com

In a segment taped to air on Tuesday's The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Lauren Graham says she is not at all surprised by the recent events that led to the CW's Gilmore Girls not continuing on for another season. "It was a conversation that was going on for a long time," says Graham, who with TV daughter Alexis Bledel had been in long-running contract talks with the network. "I think it's really a good thing.... It's the best thing for the show, and I feel really good about it." As reported by the Miami Herald, Graham then toasts the series' end by throwing back a mojito delivered to her and a La-Z-Boy-ridden Ellen by a remote-controlled robot.

Kind of random, but good for Lauren. As Blood Ray pointed out, the last episode must've already been filmed before the announcement, so it's hard to say what kind of send-off the Girls will get. Unless two different last episodes were filmed just in case a deal was struck!

We'll find out on May 15. (Please, no calls between 7 and 8 pm).

But above all this, I wish you love.

2007-05-03T14:44:00.000-07:00

It's official. Gilmore Girls is ending.

Sources said Thursday that an offer had been put on the table for the show's two stars -- Lauren Graham and her TV daughter Alexis Bledel -- to return for an eighth season, but an agreement could not be reached.

The show, which debuted on WB Network in 2000 and this season became part of the CW's inaugural schedule, will have its series finale at May 15.

As much as I've bad-mouthed the Sherman-Palladino-free current season, I'm sad to see it go. I guess my feelings changed after watching this week's episode, where it was revealed that Lorelai can really sing.

Anyone have an mp3?

In other music happenings, Feist's new CD The Reminder was released. It's easily my favorite of the year. I've been making copies for anyone who wants it, even though it's only 7.99 at Best Buy this week. Buy it! If you don't, though, you could always ask for one of my homemade copies.

Yes, I am a nerd.

2007-04-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

Before Dreamgirls....

Before Rent....

Before Chicago.....

My musical obsession was....

Daria! The Musical!

I remember the first time I saw it. It was a Wednesday night. Or maybe it was a Monday. I was smoking a lot of weed back then.

And it's taken me eight or so years, but I've finally secured the mp3s of every song from the episode. Now, I've never used a program that records sound from Windows Media Player before, so it's not the best quality. But come on, it's not like they're gonna be puttin' out a cast recording album anytime soon.

But now -- Daria! fans can listen to songs such as "Manly" and "Morning in the 'Burbs" anytime and anywhere you like! All 3 of you!

1. "Morning in the Burbs" - mp3

2. "If the Town Blew Away" - mp3

3. "I Can't Leave Yet" - mp3

4. "Gah Gah Dammit!" - mp3

5. "They Must Be Worried" - mp3

6. "Manly" - mp3

7. "The Big Wet Rainstorm's Over" - mp3

8. "Morning in the 'Burbs (Reprise)" - mp3

in my own backyard.

2007-04-21T17:48:00.001-07:00

I got a call at work the other day from Lukas.

"Kaya just got attacked! She's bleeding!"

I started crying at work -- in front of my co-workers and customers.

Apparently, the neighbors were dog-sitting and a potty break turned into a giant dog melee. Kaya didn't hurt anyone, even when another dog clamped her teeth onto her neck.

Anyway, she's okay, and of course, I overreacted. I just didn't like the idea of anyone hurting this precious beast:

Canadians Are Awesome!

2007-04-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

Everyone loves Feist these days, and that includes me.

My new favorite song of all time is "1234" from her upcoming album The Reminder. "Umbrella" is so early-April.

The video is amazing. It has everything I require in a video:

1. Colorful outfits
2. Dancing
3. Female singer(s)

MP3: "1234" - Feist
watch the video here.

This Just In...

2007-04-12T14:39:00.000-07:00

Scarlett Johansson to host SNL next Saturday, Bjork will be musical guest.

In a related story, my head just exploded.

2007-04-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

There was a story here. It was about Rihanna and how her only good songs are the ones that her record company decides to release to radio first.

There was "Pon De Replay." Then it was "S.O.S."

And now "Umbrella," featuring Jay-Z, which is awesome. This means a new Rihanna album is coming soon, but why bother, right?

Name any other Rihanna song, I dare you. Didn't think so.

Rihanna feat. Jay-Z - "Umbrella"

And for my sister and her Amy Winehouse-loving-husband, here's an mp3 from Mark Ronson's upcoming album -- a cover of "Valerie" by The Zutons.

Mark Ronson (feat. Amy Winehouse) - "Valerie"

Grindhouse

2007-04-07T19:16:00.000-07:00

Of course I would pick the weekend I'm all alone in my apartment to see the grossest/scariest movie ever.

Also, our doorbell is malfunctioning and goes off randomly every few hours, which, in turn, gets Kaya all riled up.

The six-dollar admission was more than worth it, however, since I got 2 movies, four trailers for non-existent films, and -- most importantly -- the opportunity to watch zombies eat Fergie's brain.

Come On!

2007-03-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

That is all.

2007-03-26T19:42:00.001-07:00

What you think they all mad at me for?

2007-03-25T20:23:00.000-07:00

I forgot that I wanted to talk about Beyonce for a moment, and I've known this since my flight out to Miami a couple weeks ago. I downloaded the video for "Upgrade U" to my iPod for viewing on the plane. I was not prepared for the hairstyle I was about to witness. My initial thoughts during the video:

"Jay-Z isn't in this?"

"Is Beyonce deliberately trying to look like Ashanti?"

"Whatever happened to Ashanti?"

And finally: "Dear God, that gigantic braid looks like a monster trying to eat Beyonce's brain!"

"And now it's about to stuff her in the trunk of that car!"

I can't hate her, though. The internets is full of Beyonce-haters, and I can't understand it. She can sing, she can dance, she can (sorta) act, and that new video with Shakira is enough to make me turn straight.

Maid To Order

2007-03-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

As far as 80's comedies go, it doesn't get much better than Maid to Order. It has the three things I look for in a movie:

1. A plucky heroine who overcomes adversity
2. Singing and/or dancing
3. Beverly D'Angelo

I've seen it about ten times, but it's so much fun to watch with someone who's never seen it.

Lukas: "Who's that?"
Me: "Valerie Perrine."
Lukas: "Who??"

Lukas: "How did she make that coconut fall on that guy's head. Is she a witch?"

David: "Who's that guy?"
Joe: "Michael Ontkean! Now shut up and watch!"

(During the scene in which the maids and the mechanic are gathered around a grand piano, singing)
Lukas: "These are the maids?"
Me: "Yes."
Lukas: "If that was my house, I'd say, 'I'm not paying you bitches to sing! Now get back to work!'"

And he'd be right. But what would Maid to Order be without the down-on-her-luck-former-recording-legend Audrey James? Boring, that's what. And I love how it takes the entire movie for everyone to be all like, "Oh, you're THAT Audrey James?"

While we're speaking of believability, I can buy Beverly D'Angelo as a fairy godmother with magical powers. And I play along when everyone acts like Ally Sheedy is pretty. But when Audrey James gets a record deal after she butchers "The Shoop Shoop Song" to the point where it's almost unrecognizable? That's where I call bullshit.

UPDATE: The woman who plays Audrey James (Merry Clayton) was the ORIGINAL performer of "The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss)." My bad. According to Wikipedia, she sang with Mick Jagger on "Gimme Shelter" and her performance was so intense that it caused her to miscarry. And she recently recorded with Sparta (the band that formed after the break-up of At The Drive-In). I can't believe how bad-ass this chick is, and before tonight, I thought her biggest claim to fame was landing a song on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack!

Vacation

2007-03-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

Monday:

4:45 am -- After sleeping for 3 hours, we begin our journey. Fly to Atlanta. 3 hour layover. TGI Fridays.

Back on the plane. This time, we get Dreamgirls.

We land in Miami at around 3pm. Rent a car and drive to Key West.

Check into Heron Hideaway at about 7 or so.

Walk around town and look for a place to eat dinner -- Crabby Dick's.

Saw some karaoke. Can you believe Lukas had never heard the song "Fancy" before?

Tuesday:

We hit the beach.

Found a pirate.

Watched the sunset from the tallest building on the island.

Walked to the pier and drank some beer.

Wednesday:

Okay, here's where it gets weird. I can't swim, and I'm kinda squirmy when it comes to sealife. Like, I don't want to touch a fish. But there was an all-day sailing/snorkeling/kayaking trip that sounded like a good deal. Did I mention they had free beer and wine?

I put my snorkel on and jumped into the freezing, rocky waters. The wind was insane that day, so it was quite wave-y. I couldn't speak, could barely move -- I think I had a panic attack.

Here's a pic of me and Lukas in the water.

And the look on my face:

which i guess doesn't look that panicky, but for a while i had the same look on my face as a dog being thrown in the water for the first time.

As for the view underwater, I couldn't really tell you much. I was so scared of seeing a snake that I didn't want to concentrate too hard. Plus, I was having a hard time breathing. I saw a few fish, some rocks... I think i saw a Snork up in there.

Kayaking was fun, but the highlight was probably the trek back to the island, and not just because of the beer. One of the guys on the boat was a very funny lawyer who resembled Edward Norton. He was quite entertaining.

Thursday:

Brunch on the patio:

Another day, another beach. At this point, David and I were neck and neck in the suntan contest.

Alan was not in the running.

At night, we went to a few clubs. We saw a drag queen singing Janis Joplin and Jefferson Airplane song. She was pretty good. Her finale was "And I Am Telling You."

Friday:

Our last day in Key West. We stopped by the Southernmost Point in the U.S for a couple of pictures,

then it was a four hour drive back to Miami.

Our hotel sucked. Our room was tiny. The jacuzzi on the roof was disgusting. And worst of all, the lobby blasted loud ghetto-ass music until five in the morning. (Our room was on the first floor, closest to the entrance).

I'd still say that Miami was my favorite part of the trip.

We met up with a friend of a friend who went to dinner with us.

Then he took us to a few different clubs. The first one featured a Whitney Houston drag queen lip-synching "It's Not Right, But It's Okay," complete with fake coke.

Later, another drag queen performed "One Night Only" from the Dreamgirls soundtrack, and I was quite impressed. It turns out she wanted a sort of performance from me, as later in the night, at a different club, she asked to see my junk in the bathroom. I respectfully declined.

Anyway, we danced the rest of the night at various clubs, said goodbye to Uri, and passed out to the sounds of "My Neck, My Back" being played about five million times in a row.

Saturday:

One more beach.

Then we began the sad march home.

At the Miami Airport, Lukas had his picture taken with a wax statue of me.

Seriously, how weird is that picture?

And for the conclusion -- random pictures:

5 more days!

2007-03-07T19:21:00.000-08:00

The vacation that I've been looking forward to for months and months is right around the corner. Of course, my iPod beach playlist is already finished.

This is not to be confused with my "Vacation" playlist, which is longer and includes songs not actually about sun or vacation or parties. Just so you know.

Amazing!

2007-03-05T19:52:00.001-08:00

Believe it or not, I had the same hairstyle at that age.

Amy Winehouse

2007-03-04T20:38:00.000-08:00

Today I made a couple of playlists for my Florida vacation -- mainly songs about the beach, or sunny days, etc. But I've become a bit obsessed with British singer Amy Winehouse, so a couple of her tunes made their way into "Beach Mix #1"

I suppose it kinda works because she sings about booze.

Her voice is amazing, even more so when you find out that she looks like a cross between Gina Gershon and Janice from Friends.

See?

Also, she's crazy, in case you couldn't tell from that hairdo. She's puked onstage at her live shows, been photographed with coke on her face, and she duets with Ghostface Killah on the remix of "You Know I'm No Good." (Sidenote: Suddenly, Ghostface Killah is everywhere I look these days, from Pitchfork's Number 4 Album of 2006 to last week's episode of 30 Rock.)

But that voice!

Judge for yourself.

Amy Winehouse - "You Know I'm No Good"

Amy Winehouse - "Rehab"

This is for my girl J$

2007-03-04T18:55:00.000-08:00

2007-02-24T17:57:00.000-08:00

I know Dylan looked quite unhappy in that last photo. I just wanted to show that he really does like dressing up as Stephanie.

One more thing:

Am I getting older, or is Y98 (the adult contemporary radio station) playing cooler music? It's probably some combination of the two.

On Second Thought....

2007-02-20T20:46:00.000-08:00

This is, like, 16 months late, but uh...

Dear Fiona Apple:

Who are you to second-guess the talents of one Mr. Jon Brion. The man can play something like forty different instruments, so I think he knows what's what in the studio.

And while I'm at it....

Dear Sony Music:

You wait for six years for an album from Ms. Apple, and you promote it by allowing her to make ONE video for the most boring song on the album? For shame!

That is all.

I'd live there.

2007-02-14T21:33:00.000-08:00

I just found out, like, two hours ago that Lazytown exists, but apparently it's a children's show that teaches the importance of physical fitness.

So that's cool. My nephews like it, and they decided to dress up as the two main characters, Stephanie and Sporticus.

Another post about the Dixie Chicks.

2007-02-12T18:32:00.000-08:00

Yes, I think the Grammy awards are meaningless. Every year I watch, and every year I think, "My God, just give them all to Norah Jones and be done with it."

But the truth is -- the winners see their album sales boosted almost immediately, and I couldn't be happier that my bitches the Dixie Chicks won all five categories they were nominated for. If any album deserves to sell 10 million copies, it's Taking the Long Way. (Right now, it's at about 2 million or so).

However, I wouldn't be surprised at all if the Chicks don't see a post-Grammy sales bump on next week's Billboard chart. People sure can hold a grudge, can't they?

In the "Didn't That Happen in an Episode of The Cosby Show?" category comes the story of my Valentine's Day present. Lukas found a vinyl copy of the Dreamgirls cast recording . . . the same item I was bidding on. At any rate, it has found a home on Gibson Ave.

Grizzly Bear

2007-02-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

There is a lot of freaky shit going on in this new Grizzly Bear video.

First, there's a giant machine. I'm really not sure what it does.

Then, some guy with a big head gets stabbed with a sharp rock.

But it's okay because a creature made of stone, sand, and gems heals him...

with a gem from his/her groin.

The only thing I could concentrate on was the fact that the lead singer kinda looks like me. He drowns in that quicksand, by the way.

I can be a complicated communicator

2007-02-10T13:43:00.000-08:00

My love for Sharpies has declined just a tad over the past few days. While cleaning up in the office on Thursday, I was stabbed in the left eye with a maroon retractable Sharpie. That'll teach me to sass Lukas.

(Kidding! It was totally accidental. Plus, I racked up some sympathy points. "What? Why should I take the dog out to poop? You stabbed me in the eye with a marker!")

Coincidence 1. - We watched Curb Your Enthusiasm on Wednesday, the one where Larry David stabs Ben Stiller in the eye with a skewer. I couldn't even watch that scene because I have a Rachel Green-like phobia of having my eyes touched.

Coincidence 2. - I've been listening to whitechocolatespaceegg a lot lately, especially "Big, Tall Man," which features the lyric, "My left eye hurts."

Coincidence 3. - I was searching for Left Eye footage on YouTube this week and cried upon viewing her unreleased solo video. (I loved TLC).

Here's an mp3 and a still from my new documentary I Was Stabbed in the Eye with a Sharpie.

Liz Phair - "Big, Tall Man"

Please Forgive Me, Rose

2007-02-04T20:23:00.000-08:00

I completely forgot that last Friday was February 2, 2007. In other words, it was 2/2/7 Had I known, I would've Netflix'd a season or two of 227 and made a day of it.

SB SUNDAY!

2007-02-04T19:19:00.000-08:00

How excited am I? I was perusing imdb.com and found a listing for a movie called Spring Breakdown. All I know is that it stars so many of my favorite people: Amy Poehler, Parker Posey, Rachel Dratch, Will Arnett, Missi Pyle, and Seth Meyers. And I found a pic!

Apparently, it's about a group of thirty-something women that decide to vacation in a popular spring break destination. I'm so there, you don't even know.

More Lily

2007-02-03T16:48:00.000-08:00

Apparently, it's Lily Allen week. She's on SNL tonight, and her new video for "Alfie" showed up on YouTube today. It's got everything you could ever want in a video: bongs, beer, and puppet masturbation. Enjoy!

random pictures.

2007-02-02T19:57:00.000-08:00

1. Kaya's best friend has three legs.

2. I spent a couple hours replacing some pictures in my giant frame.

3-12: random

mp3 post.

2007-02-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

I recently discovered that "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" is more than just the title of a throwaway "Xander episode" of Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- it's a Rodgers and Hart song. I found this out when I saw The History Boys a few weeks ago.

In the film, a young boy played by Samuel Barnett (pictured) sings the song to his fellow classmate. It's adorable.

Samuel Barnett - "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered"

Another version plays over the end credits --

Rufus Wainwright - "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered"

While I'm on the subject of Rufus, this Mika character seems to be getting a lot of coverage lately, but no one really talks about how he's a Rufus-ripoff.

Still, "Grace Kelly" is a great song, even if it does remind me of Rufus Wainwright's debut single "April Fools."

Mika - "Grace Kelly"

As for music by straight people, I just got Lily Allen's Alright, Still in the mail yesterday and I'm obsessed with this U-Myx software. It allows you to mix a couple of Lily's songs and I can't stop messing with it.

You can listen to my mix by clicking on the play arrow:

The Light in the Piazza

2007-01-31T21:03:00.000-08:00

Not knowing at all what this show was about, I accepted some free tickets and headed off to the Fox Theatre. I'd read a little bit about TLITP and heard that it was:

A) a musical
B) set in Italy
C) romantic

SPOILER ALERT!

The hot Italian guy falls in love with the American tourist, but she has a secret! It's revealed at the end of Act One that she was kicked in the head by a Shetland pony at her tenth birthday party, and hasn't progressed emotionally since then. I just thought she was spunky.

P.S. How glad am I that my parents weren't rich enough to rent a pony for my childhood birthday parties?

Anyway, the songs were boring and slow, so I entertained myself by pretending that the role of the pony girl's mother was played by the ghost of Madeleine Kahn.

Bottom line: Don't pay to see this show, and don't assume that since all children love ponies that the feeling is mutual.

And I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going (to Anyone's Oscar Party This Year)

2007-01-28T09:04:00.000-08:00

A co-worker asked me on Thursday, "So what did you do on your day off?"

My reply: "Same thing I always do -- I went to the Olive Garden for lunch and then saw Dreamgirls."

'Cause check it out, y'all ... Their soup, salad and breadsticks lunch deal has totally replaced the KFC Mashed Potato Bowl as my favorite lunch.

But back to Dreamgirls.

While some people are taking a mature stance on the whole Dreamgirls-not-getting-nominated -for-Best-Picture-Oscar-issue, I'm going to pretend it never happened. I'm going to pretend that I woke up to this image on Tuesday morning:

And that Salma Hayek wasn't wearing that matronly dress.

Fun Facts*

2007-01-21T12:54:00.000-08:00

*satisfaction NOT guaranteed; results may vary based on your definition of the word "fun."

1. The F-word was used almost as often in The Last Kiss as in Pulp Fiction.

2. Speaking of Zach Braff, this week's Scrubs musical episode was hilarious.

3. This week's episode of The Office was funnier.

4. I'm Mexican, but I ate my first burrito on Friday night.

5. People get to my blog by typing in "Jason Bateman Shirtless." Good luck with that, dude.

6. Lily Allen announced her first U.S. tour, and surprise! the closest she's coming to STL is Chicago -- but I still love her. Her CD comes out next Tuesday in the U.S.

Here's my new favorite song.

Lily Allen - "Alfie"

I am a southpaw

2007-01-13T20:18:00.000-08:00

This year for Christmas, I received The Left-Hander's Calendar. It's full of fun facts about left-handed people, like Benjamin Franklin, Mahatma Gandhi, and Ian Ziering of TV's Beverly Hills, 90210.

Each day, I get a new fact about Lefties. For instance, did you know that Sarah Jessica Parker is left-handed?

You did?

Well, did you also know that her character on Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw, is also left-handed? The calendar claims that Episode 64 ("Ring A Ding Ding") includes a scene where "Carrie" signs her apartment mortgage papers with her LEFT hand.

Oh really, The Left-Hander's Calendar? I guess it's possible that SJP sat down with Darren Star and said, "I truly envision my character as being left-handed," but most likely she didn't want to learn writing the words "Carrie Bradshaw" with her right hand.

Oh, The Left-Hander's Calendar, I can' t stay mad at you. After all, if it weren't for you, I would have completely forgotten that January 14 is Jason Bateman's birthday.

I doubt that a big-time movie star like Jason Bateman ever Googles himself, but if he does, I hope he'd spend a few minutes at my blog. I wished him luck after his throat surgery. I mourned the loss of Arrested Development (twice).

And while I'm on the subject of Jason Bateman (which is about 35% of the time), why do we have the internet if it can't provide me with shirtless pictures of Jason Bateman? I can download any song or video or movie. I can upload novelty songs about my dog (who is being a total bitch, by the way). But I can't find a picture of Jason Bateman at the beach? Come on!

This Just In

2007-01-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

Jennifer Hudson is fucking amazing.