Gentlemen, do I have at least ONE number right??

Since Independence Day is rapidly approaching, I decided to write about something American. Something that -- if you really think about it -- could be chosen to replace "apple pie" in that stupid saying about America.

Let's face it, most people gripe about how America is a country based on greed and consumerism. You know what else is based on greed and consumerism? The Price is Right!

You know the drill: the contestants start out on Contestants' Row, then bid on items such as dishwashers or ceiling fans. You know, the kind of stuff that you'd be really pissed off if you had to buy. The truly lucky contestant sometimes gets a free bottle of floor wax or laundry detergent, as well. The bidder closest to the actual retail price without going over wins the prize and the opportunity to play a pricing game. The next prize is usually something ritzy. We're talking cars, money, sailboats, and fancy vacations to foreign lands -- where the winner will undoubtedly come off like Clark Griswold from European Vacation. Remember those outfits the family bought? Ugh.

Anyway, the contestants go on to spin the big wheel for the chance to win $10,000. It's always totally sad to see someone spin the wheel a second time, hoping to win that ten grand, only to go over one dollar. Then the contestant mopes off the stage with his or her head hanging down, wondering what he or she is going to do with a dune buggy.

Oh, and at the end, Bob Barker practices his right to free speech by begging the viewers to have their pet spayed or neutered. And watch the show this week -- I guarantee that Barker's Beauties will be wearing red, white, and blue swimsuits during the Showcase Showdown. And if Rod Roddy were alive, he'd be dressed as Uncle Sam, but, like, with sequins on his suit jacket and stuff.

On a personal note, I would kill for the chance to play Plinko. I wouldn't even necessarily want the money, I just want to know what it's like to see the board from a bird's eye view. I need to make friends with someone who works on that set. Someone make this happen.

For more information (and bloopers from the show), please visit this TPIR Site. You won't be sorry.