Wednesday, July 27, 2005

The End of an Era

If I may draw parallels between my life and Friends (and just try and stop me):

Remember when Monica and Chandler had to tell Rachel that they wanted to live together? And this meant that Rachel would have to move out?

If you'll recall, Rachel took the news with a grain of salt. Monica didn't really need to bake those fresh cookies as comfort food, as Rachel seemed to react pretty calmly about the whole thing.

It wasn't until she was confronted by Monica about her non-existant outpour of emotions that Rachel admitted the truth: she didn't get upset because she didn't think it was really going to happen. After all, Monica and Chandler said they were going to elope in Vegas, and we all know how that turned out.

And so my best friend Miranda tells me that she's moving to Chicago with her husband. I've known for a few months now, and just recently am I starting to feel it. It might've started when Miranda asked me to save boxes for her impending move. The fact that I have not brought a single box home with me since the request shows that it hasn't really sunk in yet. Or maybe I just have a bad memory, after all that pot I smoked in my teens and early 20's.

In any case, I have about a month left. And what a month! We've got a White Stripes concert to attend in August, and the Loretta Lynn concert extravaganza at Harrah's. Also, she doesn't know it yet, but we're going to spend a whole day swimming and playing tennis.

I've decided to list my top five Miranda moments, in chronological order:

1. In fifth grade, Miranda plays Martika in our school's lip-sync show. She wears fishnet stockings and tiny little shorts. I was a back-up singer for "I Can Dream About You" by Dan Hartman (?). The event was captured on video by our friend Angela, and we've since spent many a night drinking and laughing at the spectacle.

2. Lake Forest -- Summer, 1997. We spent the day on a boat with Lori and Derrick, listening to a Tracy Bonham tape (it was 1997, okay?), watching everyone speed along on water skis and innertubes and such. While Lori and Derrick took the boat back to the dock to gas it up, Miranda and I stayed behind, floating in the middle of the lake, wearing life jackets. It wasn't until the boat was out of view that we began to panic. Would the other speedboats see us floating in the water? What if they didn't? What if we were killed!? We huddled together, looking every which way. And we weren't even high.

3. The A-Frame, Columbia, MO -- 1998. It was winter break, and we all decided to head up to my first apartment to celebrate New Years. The only problem: a mini-blizzard. Ben and Miranda drove in one car, me and Hillary in another. Swear to god, it took us six hours to get there, as opposed to the normal 2.5. What kept us so motivated on the road? The prospect of smoking weed once we got there. When we arrived, naturally, the first thing we did was break out the weed. In a frenzy, Ben burst the bag open, spilling the contents on our shaggy, dirty carpet. We managed to salvage a bowl or two.

4. Christmas 2002, Ste. Genevieve, MO -- 2002. Or, Fun with Wigs. If you're going to spend a few days in Ste. Gen. -- during the holidays -- why not spend it in an altered state? I was still skirting the whole "gay" issue. So when my oldest brother began discussing strip bars with me and Ben, Miranda took it upon herself to interject with a suggestion: "You should go right now! Take Joe!" But alas, it never happened. We spent the night in my mom's basement, taking pictures of ourselves wearing my sister's old black wig. A side note: the next day, when we told Angela's mom that I was gay, her response was, "Oh, okay. I mean, it's who you are, no big deal. It's just like being a murderer."

5. September 2003, St. Louis, MO. Miranda and Jon's wedding. About ten seconds into the ceremony, Miranda waved her hand. "Wait, wait," she said. What the hell was going on? Was she going to throw up? Was she secretly in love with me? (Just kidding). But I was the Man of Honor....was I supposed to step in and see what she wanted? Turns out, though, that the minister was reading from the wrong script, a ceremony he had performed earlier.

About the Man of Honor thing...I was happy to do it. I was pretty sure that gay best friends weren't allowed to be in the wedding party. The idea of having a Man of Honor seemed like a good one to me. Tuxedo? Um, fine. Speech? Sure, no big deal. I made a big to-do about how I wasn't going to cry, unlike those orators before me. But about 30 seconds in, I began to quaver. Then the tears flowed. I gave it my best shot, but i was just so happy for Jon and Miranda that I couldn't stop myself. Also, I had a few beers beforehand. That usually gets the waterworks going.

So if my next top five Miranda moments have to take place in Chicago, so be it. I really don't want to have to take the train, though. Please, God, not Amtrak. Not at five in the morning.



Blogger Clipgirl said...

I understand your pain. My oldest friend moved to Florida. It made me very, very sad.

7:13 PM  
Anonymous Mink said...

I would like it noted that my eye is not always closed as this picture seems to indicate.

I like Joe.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Absolut Billy said...

***I like Joe***
Well hell SOMEBODYS got to :)

11:27 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home