She's fantastic, made of plastic.

As much as I love VH1's programming...

A third installment of I Love the 80's? Really??

What is left to talk about? Animotion? Stacey Q? My Stepmother is an Alien? Small Wonder?

Actually, that would be pretty fucking awesome. I would like to know what that little robot bitch is up to these days.

Here's what's really on the agenda, directly from VH1's website:

Circus of the Stars turns your favorite A,B and C stars into circus freaks! Will Greg Evigan survive the trapeze????

Headbands and mesh tops make girly men of all your favorite rock
stars!

It's all happening at the mall--Dooood, lets hang at the food court and drink an Orange Julius.

Jaws 3-D - Even with the glasses, and a few gory body parts floating before your eyes, the movie sucks!

Monchichi Monchichi, oh, so soft and cuddly!

TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes: When filming or taping a TV show or movie, things invariably go wrong - Ed and Dick walk us through it.

Bigfoot! No, not the ape-man, the MONSTER trucks that were crushing cars--oh the joy.

Fruit Roll Ups use designer chemicals, fruit-like substances and
whimsical presentation to make "fruit" palatable for kids

Donahue! He's got a mic and you got a question.

Wang Chung - the chop suey of pop songs.

First of all, only losers spelled it "dood." Secondly, these are all lame subjects. But if anyone can make them funny, it's my pretend boyfriend Christian Finneran. Why I love him, I'll never know.