Saturday, July 08, 2006

Lost In Emotion

When I was about eight years old, I wanted to use my First Communion money to buy three cassettes at Wal-Mart: Whitney Houston, Madonna, and Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam (featuring Full Force).

My mom, however, decided against it. "I don't want you going around the house singing like a girl."

Let's face it, she probably wanted to say, "I don't want you to grow up gay." She just didn't want to put any ideas in my head.

Anyway, back at Wal-Mart, I pleaded my case.

"But Mom, look at this one! It's Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam! There are two guys standing next to Lisa...Lisa!"

Lisa Lisa

I was forced to buy a shitty walkman instead. I think I had enough money for a Pogo Bal, too.

Pogo Bal

It's no secret that I love female vocalists. And yes, until I was about 21 or so, I focused almost solely on female R&B singers and groups. When I started working after-school jobs, I spent all my money on CDs, tapes, CD singles and cassette singles (also known as "cassingles," although I never called them that). It all makes sense now -- spending every penny on CDs and tapes was my way of rebelling against that incident in Wal-Mart.

So I'm watching VH1 Soul the other night, as I sometimes do, hoping to catch old videos by Patra or Xscape or Zhane. I saw an ad for a new CD collection called Stand Back!

The website says:

Stand Back and let these women do their thing with 30 smash tracks on 2 super-hot CDs!

I say:

Stand Back! is like a custom-made mix of all the songs I listened to in high school and college, on my journey into gayness.

Disc 1

01 Creep | TLC * # ## i
02 Don't Mess With My Man | Nivea feat. Jagged Edge +
03 The First Night | Monica ## i
04 Hit Em Up Style (Oops!) | Blu Cantrell +
05 You're The One | SWV #
06 If You Love Me | Brownstone * ## $
07 My Lovin (You're Never Gonna Get It) | En Vogue ##
08 Don't Think I'm Not | Kandi
09 Every Day of the Week | Jade *
10 Shackles (Praise You) | Mary Mary
11 You're Making Me High | Toni Braxton * ## i
12 Bohemian Rhapsody | The Braids ## @
13 Tell Me | Groove Theory * i
14 The Arms of the One Who Loves You | Xscape **
15 No More (Baby I'ma Do Right) | 3LW +

Disc 2

01 Where My Girls At? | 702 # @
02 Caramel | City High +
03 Move Ya Body | Nina Sky +
04 Groove Thang | Zhane * ##
05 He's Mine | Mokenstef $
06 Make It Hot | Nicole * i
07 G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T. | Changing Faces * i
08 Shoop | Salt N Pepa ##
09 My Love Is the Shhh! | Something For The People *
10 Lately | Divine
11 AM to PM | Christina Milian +
12 Stay | Eternal *
13 Be Careful | Sparkle +
14 Caught Out There | Kelis ## i
15 Secret Love | Kelly Price

* = I owned the cassette single
** = I owned the full-length cassette
# = I owned the CD single
## = I owned the full-length CD
$ - I ordered the video a few times on "The Box"
@ = I made up a dance to this song
+ = I illegally downloaded this song and burned it to a CD
i = this song is currently on my iPod

Stand Back! is available on, but if you really want it, I'm sure I could burn a similar mix for you for free. Seriously.

Now I'm 27 years old. I'm gay and live with my boyfriend. I'm no longer a practicing Catholic. And that walkman broke about three weeks after I bought it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: Don't deny your young son Lisa Lisa cassettes because you think they might turn him gay. He's gonna turn out gay anyway.


Blogger 2complx said...

I like the moral of the story. Lisa Lisa I almost forgot about them! I think I was a Tiffany fan don't tell anyone.

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Val said...

Joe, I swear when I saw that commercial the other night I thought about you. I even spoke up about it. I told Mark, "Hey, look, that's the shit Joe used to listen to in high school."

2:12 PM  
Blogger Absolut Billy said...

"head to Toe...I knooooowwwwwww"

3:52 PM  
Blogger Blood Ray said...

This may be your best post ever.

Isn't there something about singing Vanessa Williams, though?

6:57 PM  
Blogger Joe said...


but no, i don't recall anything about Vanessa Williams. She was good in that Diva Scrooge movie though.

Wait, no she wasn't.

7:27 AM  
Blogger Blood Ray said...

Boo! I loved her as Ebony Scrooge!

11:51 PM  

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