Thursday, June 12, 2008

My Summer Gaycation (or, How I Became a Fruity Splasher)

First off, the amazing house we stayed in for five days? Here's how I can best describe it ...

Remember The Real World, how every season started off with the new housemates scrambling through the hallways, asking each other, "We get to live here?!" That's what it was like. And yes, I talk about The Real World like it's no longer being made, but that's because I stopped watching after the Chicago season. That doesn't mean I still don't think about how I would come across on TV if I were picked to be on the show, but I digress...

The seemingly never-ending supply of beer and various frozen drinks was also like something from The Real World. Oh, and glass bottles weren't allowed in the pool or hot tub, so I gladly poured my Bud Light Limes into frosty mugs, thinking, "This way they won't have to blur out the logos when the shows air."

The morning after one particular Ruthie-style night of binge drinking, we headed to IHOP. (My repeated requests to eat at a Golden Corral went mostly ignored). Our table was quite close to the waitress station and the kitchen, so we heard everything.

1. One waitress asked another waitress, "Are you pregnant!?"
2. Two cooks flipped a coin to decide who was the father.
3. A customer told the cook that if his egg whites were runny, he was going to throw them in his face.
4. Cook held up a giant knife and said, "Not a good idea. I've got plenty of these back here."

That's when we decided that the time has come for a new reality show. Cameras would follow the lives of these cheeky IHOP employees, capturing all the wacky hijinks that ensue. Oh, I forgot to mention that our cute waitress was married to the knife-wielding short order cook. But don't worry, we plan on sending in a new, hot manager to shake things up.

At first, I thought the title of our show should be something about breaking eggs to make omelets, but that's too wordy. How about Flapjack'd?

On the way out, we noticed a sign for a new drink called Fruity Splashers. Our gang needed a name. We're gay, and we swam a lot, so I thought it fit. The story of our initiation into the gang will come at a later date. Maybe.

Probably not.



The hot tub



Shopping trip



Pancake face man



Dreamsicle



The Margarator

**more pics to come later, I'm still waiting on Alan to burn me a cd.

4 Comments:

Blogger Alan said...

I almost forgot about your CD. I'll burn that tonight!

9:29 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Ah, poor Ruthie. She was such a mess; always a badass on the challenges though.

I'm so glad you boys had fun. If only you'd found Fruity Splashers before you were in that bowling league I'm certain your team would've been better.

A show about IHOP employees? You could also go with "Breakfast Anytime," "Secrets Only the Syrup Knows," or "Shortstacked"...eh, I do like "Flapjack'd."

9:32 AM  
Blogger D said...

Flapjack'd is the best. Please do not try to compete with Joe's magic.

Joe I need to tell you something. You are a tranny who looks like a hot mess, and not in a good way. You're a tickety tack tranny hot mess out of control super tranny from Transylvania who is not apologizing for it.

10:13 AM  
Blogger lil said...

HA! Your blogs is very interesting. I forgot about the Real World moments...

2:40 PM  

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