Friday, March 30, 2007

Come On!

That is all.

Monday, March 26, 2007

my bitches

me and kaya

Sunday, March 25, 2007

What you think they all mad at me for?

I forgot that I wanted to talk about Beyonce for a moment, and I've known this since my flight out to Miami a couple weeks ago. I downloaded the video for "Upgrade U" to my iPod for viewing on the plane. I was not prepared for the hairstyle I was about to witness.
My initial thoughts during the video:

"Jay-Z isn't in this?"

"Is Beyonce deliberately trying to look like Ashanti?"

"Whatever happened to Ashanti?"

And finally: "Dear God, that gigantic braid looks like a monster trying to eat Beyonce's brain!"


"And now it's about to stuff her in the trunk of that car!"

I can't hate her, though. The internets is full of Beyonce-haters, and I can't understand it. She can sing, she can dance, she can (sorta) act, and that new video with Shakira is enough to make me turn straight.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Maid To Order

As far as 80's comedies go, it doesn't get much better than Maid to Order. It has the three things I look for in a movie:

1. A plucky heroine who overcomes adversity
2. Singing and/or dancing
3. Beverly D'Angelo

I've seen it about ten times, but it's so much fun to watch with someone who's never seen it.

Lukas: "Who's that?"
Me: "Valerie Perrine."
Lukas: "Who??"

Lukas: "How did she make that coconut fall on that guy's head. Is she a witch?"

David: "Who's that guy?"
Joe: "Michael Ontkean! Now shut up and watch!"

(During the scene in which the maids and the mechanic are gathered around a grand piano, singing)
Lukas: "These are the maids?"
Me: "Yes."
Lukas: "If that was my house, I'd say, 'I'm not paying you bitches to sing! Now get back to work!'"

And he'd be right. But what would Maid to Order be without the down-on-her-luck-former-recording-legend Audrey James? Boring, that's what. And I love how it takes the entire movie for everyone to be all like, "Oh, you're THAT Audrey James?"

While we're speaking of believability, I can buy Beverly D'Angelo as a fairy godmother with magical powers. And I play along when everyone acts like Ally Sheedy is pretty. But when Audrey James gets a record deal after she butchers "The Shoop Shoop Song" to the point where it's almost unrecognizable? That's where I call bullshit.

UPDATE: The woman who plays Audrey James (Merry Clayton) was the ORIGINAL performer of "The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss)." My bad. According to Wikipedia, she sang with Mick Jagger on "Gimme Shelter" and her performance was so intense that it caused her to miscarry. And she recently recorded with Sparta (the band that formed after the break-up of At The Drive-In). I can't believe how bad-ass this chick is, and before tonight, I thought her biggest claim to fame was landing a song on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack!

Monday, March 19, 2007



4:45 am -- After sleeping for 3 hours, we begin our journey. Fly to Atlanta. 3 hour layover. TGI Fridays.

Back on the plane. This time, we get Dreamgirls.

We land in Miami at around 3pm. Rent a car and drive to Key West.

me reading blender

Check into Heron Hideaway at about 7 or so.


Walk around town and look for a place to eat dinner -- Crabby Dick's.

crabby dicks

Saw some karaoke. Can you believe Lukas had never heard the song "Fancy" before?


We hit the beach.


Found a pirate.

scary pirate

Watched the sunset from the tallest building on the island.


Walked to the pier and drank some beer.




Okay, here's where it gets weird. I can't swim, and I'm kinda squirmy when it comes to sealife. Like, I don't want to touch a fish. But there was an all-day sailing/snorkeling/kayaking trip that sounded like a good deal. Did I mention they had free beer and wine?

I put my snorkel on and jumped into the freezing, rocky waters. The wind was insane that day, so it was quite wave-y. I couldn't speak, could barely move -- I think I had a panic attack.

Here's a pic of me and Lukas in the water.


And the look on my face:

panic closeup

which i guess doesn't look that panicky, but for a while i had the same look on my face as a dog being thrown in the water for the first time.

As for the view underwater, I couldn't really tell you much. I was so scared of seeing a snake that I didn't want to concentrate too hard. Plus, I was having a hard time breathing. I saw a few fish, some rocks... I think i saw a Snork up in there.

Kayaking was fun, but the highlight was probably the trek back to the island, and not just because of the beer. One of the guys on the boat was a very funny lawyer who resembled Edward Norton. He was quite entertaining.


Brunch on the patio:


Another day, another beach. At this point, David and I were neck and neck in the suntan contest.


Alan was not in the running.


At night, we went to a few clubs. We saw a drag queen singing Janis Joplin and Jefferson Airplane song. She was pretty good. Her finale was "And I Am Telling You."


Our last day in Key West. We stopped by the Southernmost Point in the U.S for a couple of pictures,

southernmost pointsouthernmost point

then it was a four hour drive back to Miami.

Our hotel sucked. Our room was tiny. The jacuzzi on the roof was disgusting. And worst of all, the lobby blasted loud ghetto-ass music until five in the morning. (Our room was on the first floor, closest to the entrance).

I'd still say that Miami was my favorite part of the trip.

We met up with a friend of a friend who went to dinner with us.

the gang

Then he took us to a few different clubs. The first one featured a Whitney Houston drag queen lip-synching "It's Not Right, But It's Okay," complete with fake coke.

whitney houston drag queen

Later, another drag queen performed "One Night Only" from the Dreamgirls soundtrack, and I was quite impressed. It turns out she wanted a sort of performance from me, as later in the night, at a different club, she asked to see my junk in the bathroom. I respectfully declined.

Anyway, we danced the rest of the night at various clubs, said goodbye to Uri, and passed out to the sounds of "My Neck, My Back" being played about five million times in a row.


One more beach.


Then we began the sad march home.

the rental

At the Miami Airport, Lukas had his picture taken with a wax statue of me.

weirdest picture ever

Seriously, how weird is that picture?

And for the conclusion -- random pictures:

david and alanalan and davidme and lukasdavidCIMG0035CIMG0033CIMG0027CIMG0007Alan's Almond Mochadavid, me, lukasuri and davidalan and daveour hotel's "sundeck"me and alanalankayakingcaptaindavidIMG_0731IMG_0722IMG_0724IMG_0698me and lukas