Friday, July 29, 2005

I couldn't post this picture in response to billy's comment, so here it is:

Thursday, July 28, 2005

R U the Girl?

Clipgirl had Hit Me Baby One More Time.

But for my money, there's no better music-based Summer show than R U the Girl with T-Boz and Chilli. First of all, there's the title. R U the Girl? Couldn't be bothered to actually spell out the words "are" and "you?" Alright. Fair Enough. Moving on....

---I'd like to take this time to get into my entire history with TLC, but seriously, there's just not enough time in the world. Just know this:

1. From eighth grade until I started smoking pot and listening to rock music (probably right before I turned 18, but who the hell knows?), I was obsessed with TLC. Obsessed!

2. I taped TLC pictures to every single notebook I owned.

3. I wore a T-Boz charm bracelet for a while in high school (and didn't get beat up for it! It's amazing, really)

4. When TLC would win, say, a Grammy or Billboard Music Award, the next day at school, kids would actually say, "Oh wow, TLC won R&B Album of the Year! Congratulations!" To which I would reply, "Thanks!"

5. During my high school career, I based at LEAST three term papers and 2 video projects on TLC. Once I had to make a video about Pompeii, and somehow worked in footage from a TLC videotape that made it look like I was interviewing Chilli.

That being said, I was apprehensive when I heard about this new show. It seemed a little tacky to do a reality show to find a replacement for Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. On UPN.

(Oh, I also had an Andre Rison football jersey, simply because he was married to Left Eye).

But T-Boz and Chilli are making the publicity rounds, letting the viewers of the Late Late Show and Good Morning America that they aren't looking for a replacement. They're merely looking for a talented woman to perform on ONE single on their next CD, and one live performance.

See, that seems like a rip-off. One single? What's the point? Is it really worth it to tarnish the image of the Top-Selling Female Group of All Time (as they referred to themselves about 30 times on the first episode alone -- like, even after Destiny's Child came around? Can someone from Billboard or SoundScan confirm this?)

So if they're really going to go through with this, I have no choice but to watch. T-Boz seems to be a comedic individual. (Chilli comes off as kind of a pill). The contestants so far seem lackluster, but we'll see what happens. Maybe the single will be released, everyone will love it, and T-Boz and Chilli will come out on top.

The fifteen-year-old in me is keeping his fingers crossed.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

The End of an Era

If I may draw parallels between my life and Friends (and just try and stop me):

Remember when Monica and Chandler had to tell Rachel that they wanted to live together? And this meant that Rachel would have to move out?

If you'll recall, Rachel took the news with a grain of salt. Monica didn't really need to bake those fresh cookies as comfort food, as Rachel seemed to react pretty calmly about the whole thing.

It wasn't until she was confronted by Monica about her non-existant outpour of emotions that Rachel admitted the truth: she didn't get upset because she didn't think it was really going to happen. After all, Monica and Chandler said they were going to elope in Vegas, and we all know how that turned out.

And so my best friend Miranda tells me that she's moving to Chicago with her husband. I've known for a few months now, and just recently am I starting to feel it. It might've started when Miranda asked me to save boxes for her impending move. The fact that I have not brought a single box home with me since the request shows that it hasn't really sunk in yet. Or maybe I just have a bad memory, after all that pot I smoked in my teens and early 20's.

In any case, I have about a month left. And what a month! We've got a White Stripes concert to attend in August, and the Loretta Lynn concert extravaganza at Harrah's. Also, she doesn't know it yet, but we're going to spend a whole day swimming and playing tennis.

I've decided to list my top five Miranda moments, in chronological order:

1. In fifth grade, Miranda plays Martika in our school's lip-sync show. She wears fishnet stockings and tiny little shorts. I was a back-up singer for "I Can Dream About You" by Dan Hartman (?). The event was captured on video by our friend Angela, and we've since spent many a night drinking and laughing at the spectacle.

2. Lake Forest -- Summer, 1997. We spent the day on a boat with Lori and Derrick, listening to a Tracy Bonham tape (it was 1997, okay?), watching everyone speed along on water skis and innertubes and such. While Lori and Derrick took the boat back to the dock to gas it up, Miranda and I stayed behind, floating in the middle of the lake, wearing life jackets. It wasn't until the boat was out of view that we began to panic. Would the other speedboats see us floating in the water? What if they didn't? What if we were killed!? We huddled together, looking every which way. And we weren't even high.

3. The A-Frame, Columbia, MO -- 1998. It was winter break, and we all decided to head up to my first apartment to celebrate New Years. The only problem: a mini-blizzard. Ben and Miranda drove in one car, me and Hillary in another. Swear to god, it took us six hours to get there, as opposed to the normal 2.5. What kept us so motivated on the road? The prospect of smoking weed once we got there. When we arrived, naturally, the first thing we did was break out the weed. In a frenzy, Ben burst the bag open, spilling the contents on our shaggy, dirty carpet. We managed to salvage a bowl or two.

4. Christmas 2002, Ste. Genevieve, MO -- 2002. Or, Fun with Wigs. If you're going to spend a few days in Ste. Gen. -- during the holidays -- why not spend it in an altered state? I was still skirting the whole "gay" issue. So when my oldest brother began discussing strip bars with me and Ben, Miranda took it upon herself to interject with a suggestion: "You should go right now! Take Joe!" But alas, it never happened. We spent the night in my mom's basement, taking pictures of ourselves wearing my sister's old black wig. A side note: the next day, when we told Angela's mom that I was gay, her response was, "Oh, okay. I mean, it's who you are, no big deal. It's just like being a murderer."

5. September 2003, St. Louis, MO. Miranda and Jon's wedding. About ten seconds into the ceremony, Miranda waved her hand. "Wait, wait," she said. What the hell was going on? Was she going to throw up? Was she secretly in love with me? (Just kidding). But I was the Man of Honor....was I supposed to step in and see what she wanted? Turns out, though, that the minister was reading from the wrong script, a ceremony he had performed earlier.

About the Man of Honor thing...I was happy to do it. I was pretty sure that gay best friends weren't allowed to be in the wedding party. The idea of having a Man of Honor seemed like a good one to me. Tuxedo? Um, fine. Speech? Sure, no big deal. I made a big to-do about how I wasn't going to cry, unlike those orators before me. But about 30 seconds in, I began to quaver. Then the tears flowed. I gave it my best shot, but i was just so happy for Jon and Miranda that I couldn't stop myself. Also, I had a few beers beforehand. That usually gets the waterworks going.

So if my next top five Miranda moments have to take place in Chicago, so be it. I really don't want to have to take the train, though. Please, God, not Amtrak. Not at five in the morning.


Sunday, July 24, 2005

Love, Mexican-American Style

My Mama always said, "Don't blog about anything too personal. It might come back to haunt you." And so far I've taken her advice to heart, which explains the high volume of posts about Gilmore Girls and Rilo Kiley.

But last night at AMP's Summer of Love, I was forced to examine my current relationship status. Well, maybe forced isn't the proper term, since I believe I'm the one that brought it up. Come to think of it, I'm surprised that my questions weren't met with the famous "You really wanna pull at that thread?" (
Blood Ray loves saying that).

Details are hazy, but I remember someone talking about love.

I think I said, "Who needs it?"

Blood Ray's response? "Not you, apparently."

You see, for a few months now, I've been spending time with a certain someone, let's call him "Mr. X". We go out for drinks, dinner, movies, etc. We fool around. We text message each other like it's going out of style. But "Mr. X" isn't necessarily known for his warmth. Or tact. Or compassion. And not once have we had a conversation about where our "relationship" is "headed" (God, I'm going to wear out my quotation mark key tonight).

If I was dying to know, though, I would ask. But I'm not concerned at this point.

For as long as I can remember, I haven't really taken relationships too seriously. I'm fickle. I dumped my first boyfriend in 2001 because he didn't call me on Saturday like he said he would.

The last time I had a "boyfriend" (which was well over a year ago, mind you), I dumped him because I thought he spent too much time on his cell phone when he was around me.

Truth be told, I guess I don't know what I want. Not like Blood Ray, who already knows that he wants a non-blonde Jewish cat-hater.

I know what I don't want, though. I don't want kids, and I don't want to get married. So I guess I'm well on my way.

From my 11-year old niece:

From : Darby Christopher
Sent : Sunday, July 24, 2005 1:29 AM
To : Joe Christopher

Uncle Joe will you sell me one of your I pods? And if
you will how much do you want
for it? I have 225$ but,
I need some to buy a bike

~LOVE~ darby

This girl is goooood.

I suspect that her Aunt Valerie had something to do with this, as the two spent yesterday shopping at St. Clair Square.

I was once a man with no iPods. Suddenly, I've got three. Now, I didn't ask for any of these things; they were given to me. I've already loaned one to Blood Ray to use at the gym. I was planning on using the Shuffle in my car, and the iPod Photo in my apartment.

But how can I say no to my darling little niece? I'll just give her the Shuffle when it arrives in the mail. She can use her $225 to buy a tricked-out bike, and become the envy of all the other sixth-graders when she goes back to school this fall.

Last night was the Summer of Love at AMP. It was packed. I didn't dress up as a hippie. Instead I wore my new Postal Service shirt (the band, not the mail carrier people).

Saw Kyla and Fern, who is apparently in love with Blood Ray. Although she shows it in funny ways, like grabbing his open bottle of beer from the table, placing her hand over the opening, shaking it violently, then placing it back on the table.

wrath of fern

Oh, that Fern!

On my drive home, I noticed a car in the lane next to me on Kingshighway. I thought I saw arms waving out of the window, but I was drunk and tired, and assumed it was a group of rowdy drunkards fucking with me. Or perhaps it was a car full of indie-music lovers noticing my Rilo Kiley sticker.

At a red light, after hearing yells of "JOE!!!" I decided to see who it was. It was Miranda and the gang, which, on this particular night, included her 17 year old sister, her husband Jon, and Brian and Brent. They were on their way to Uncle Bill's for bacon, and would I like to join them? I wasn't hungry, but I wouldn't pass up any opportunity to see Brian make the "Bacon Face."

bacon face

Friday, July 22, 2005

New on the iPod:

Natasha Bedingfield - "These Words"

At the beginning of this summer, Miranda and I were hanging out at my place with the Brit Awards in the background. Someone named Natasha Bedingfield kept popping up in various lists of nominees. Miranda said, "She seems like someone you would like," probably because she seemed like a kind of Kylie Jr.

And she was right. Such a cute song and video. Dancing boomboxes! I love it. Best 99 cents I've spent in a long time.

"Never Win" - Fischerspooner

I'm pretty sure that the only reason I bought this song was because of the cute guy in the video (who isn't even really that cute to begin with), because whenever I listen to this song on the iPod, I find myself checking how long it is until the next song comes on. Fun song to wash dishes to, though.

"Shut Up, Bitch" - Lil' Kim

Releasing a single that's basically a giant "Fuck You" to everyone in the media probably wasn't the best move for Lil' Kim. But that's what makes her special. Best rhyme:

"Star Jones don't like me/ She cheap and I like the best/ Damn, it must feel good to Pay Less"

"Don't Let It Go To Your Head" - Fefe Dobson

Another Miranda-approved artist. How is Fefe not a superstar yet? She's young, pretty, got a good voice. She's done, like, a hundred different ads for various clothing brands and hair products (including that weird Pantene Pro-Voice women only concert dealie-thing, know what i'm talking about?)
Maybe she'll breakthrough with this single.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Just imagine that I came up with a title featuring elements of both "Sex and the City" and "Murder, She Wrote"

Not sure exactly how it happened, but last night on the phone, Blood Ray and I came up with this character: Sarah Jessica Fletcher.

There's not much we can do with it. I mean, it's a given that Sarah Jessica Fletcher would be a sex columnist/detective.

"In a city with 2 million single women, I couldn't help but wonder...maybe Mrs. McCuddy was the murderer!"

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Long weekend...

what with the Indian musicals and the dinner across from Randy Jackson and the first meeting with farfel and the game night and the nametags and the madwoman of chaillot. Not to mention the first time i've been to church in 15 years.


Rocky and Rob

Todd and Nicole



Just know that the last picture is of my favorite cutie bartender at AMP, who will soon be serving up cold, frosty Budweiser products.

Coming Soon: How Rachel McAdams Won Me Over.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

We're Sorry, Stars Hollow

Alright, as Clipgirl pointed out, this woman got the shaft.


No Emmy nominations for Lauren Graham. None for Alexis. None for the writers or directors or hairstylists or craft services. Nothing. Worst of all, nothing for this old woman:


However, the Emmy voters decided to give a nomination to this old woman:


which is fine. Lucille Bluth is awesome. She's kinda like Emily Gilmore, only she drinks a lot more and pops pills.

But let's get back to the point: Lauren Graham, snubbed again. This is insane. Do all of those Desperate Housewives really need to be nominated? I mean, I love the fact that Teri Hatcher can go from That Washed-Up Chick from those Radio Shack Commercials to Golden Globe Winner Teri Hatcher in the span of, like, two years, but the show is brand new and they have many more years of award-hoarding ahead of them.

And Patricia Heaton...if someone told her that Emmys don't impress Jesus, maybe she'd take herself out of the running. Anyone have her home phone number?

Jane "Crazy Eyes" Kaczmarek for Malcolm in the Middle? Nobody watches this show anymore.

I'm done venting for today. But if anyone would like to attend the 1st Annual Gilmore Girls Awards, the ceremony is at my place the same night as the Emmys, but it's just gonna be me sitting on my couch, drunk, maybe shirtless, saying things like, "You know who else got ripped off? Lane's mom. She's awesome."

Be there!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

More Gilmore.

I found an interesting article on today. Here's the link, if you want to read the full story (which I would recommend doing). Of course, I'm going to post the highlights right here.

We have two words for Emmy voters and they're not "Desperate Housewives." Think "Gilmore Girls."

If the WB series doesn't — finally — make a substantial dent in the television nominations announced Thursday, we're going to write a guidebook for voters, "Emmys for Dummies."

"Gilmore Girls" has been ostracized since its 2000 debut, save a single nomination for makeup. It's the poster child for Emmy abuse.

A sophisticated confection about a single mom and daughter, the series is smart, funny and touching and features a cast consistently up to the challenging material.

So, for starters, how about giving star Lauren Graham, who's been nominated for Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild awards, a comedy series actress bid? Kelly Bishop's version of a grandmother of steel is overdue for a supporting actress nomination.

Word, word, and double-word. I know some of you Gilmore-haters think that the two main Gilmore Girls talk too fast (and I wonder what would happen if you caught a scene that features Paris Gellar on a rampage...your heads would explode), but seriously, y' show ever.

And Lauren Graham really is the best actress on network television. She needs this Emmy. Did you know she had a role in The Pacifier? That's Vin Diesel, people. Emmy nominations = better movie offers.

The Emmy nominations are Thursday. If Lauren Graham isn't nominated for Best Actress, I'm going to shave my head in protest. Stay tuned.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

i'm not giving this one a title, alright?

Everyone should listen to 89.1 The Wood. They played Rilo Kiley's "Portions for Foxes" the other night. They also played Fiona Apple, Ani DiFranco, and my favorite Rufus Wainwright song of all time (which is not "Rebel Prince," as one or two of you may believe, but actually "One Man Guy").

The reception isn't always the best, and I swear I heard a song about Jesus the other morning, but they don't have commercials or annoying DJs.

Here's something else I love: Netflix. I just signed up today. Now I know I'm a little late with this (some of us have already joined and quit the 'Flix), but they sent me a little postcard telling me that if I sign up for a year, I'll get a FREE iPod Shuffle! And who could resist that?

I've got quite a few movies on the queue already, but I'm open to any suggestions.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Putting sparklers on a birthday cake actually seemed like a good idea at the time.

Hope everyone is having a nice, long weekend. Between Fern's party Friday night, Saturday in Ste. Genevieve, and yesterday's shopping spree and game night, I feel as though this weekend is never-ending.

Here are some pics.

bradley and nicole 2 group

Clipgirl and Blood Ray enjoy fruity martinis at Fern's BBQ; the gang

liquorhappy cat

Fruit-infused vodka (the root of all evil); Steve and Jack


Me and Miranda (i'm not sure why her hand is there); Baby Gabriel is the
one splashing around. Dylan's holding the beach ball. Those boys
HATE wearing clothes, apparently. Baby Gabriel (or Babriel) is my
godson, while Dylan is the spitting image of me at age 2.


My sister-in-law, Kim, holding Dylan; Babriel needs a haircut, right?


At least the kids were excited about the sparklers.
This picture was taken about 10 seconds before
the styrofoam plates caught on fire and the house
filled with smoke. My sis is probably still having
nightmares about it. Love ya, Val!