I keep on talking trash, but I never say anything.

Bah. The worst part about having Monday off of work is the inevitable "Wait, what day is this?" that awaits on Tuesday. I have enough trouble keeping my days straight....throw in a national holiday and i'm all kinds of messed up.

The best part about having a Monday off? Barbecues! Yes, nothing says, "I salute you, fallen soldiers of the U.S." like grilling animal flesh in the backyard. And beer. Lots of beer, preferably in the afternoon.

Rilo Kiley news:

They're opening for Coldplay at the UMB Bank Pavillion (is that really what it's called? Can i just call it the UMBRiverBankPort Whatever?) in September. Even more important Rilo news...Miranda downloaded a "Portions for Foxes" ringtone, which will sound whenever she receives a call from ME! So I plan on calling her every 15 minutes. You can listen to it here. Just click on the song title.

Top 25 Songs played on the ipod:

1. Used to Love Him - Fiona Apple
2. Apart - Elkland
3. Galang - M.I.A.
4. Not About Love - Fiona Apple
5. Evil - Interpol
6. Get Him Back - Fiona Apple
7. Sunshowers - M.I.A.
8. More Adventurous - Rilo Kiley
9. The Execution of All Things - Rilo Kiley
10. Please, Please, Please - Fiona Apple
11. What is This Feeling? - Idina Menzel/Kristen Chenowith
12. Over - Lindsay Lohan
13. Agenda Suicide - The Faint
14. Defying Gravity - Idina Menzel/Kristen Chenowith
15. Slow Hands - Interpol
16. Somebody Else's Clothes - Rilo Kiley
17. At the Bottom of Everything - Bright Eyes
18. Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
19. Everything is Everything - Phoenix
20. More Adventurous (acoustic) - Rilo Kiley
21. We Are Nowhere and It's Now - Bright Eyes
22. Girl - Destiny's Child
23. Such Great Heights - Postal Service
24. Telescope Eyes - Eisley
25. Everyday I Love You Less and Less - Kaiser Chiefs

Now that I think about it, last time i posted my top 25 played according to ipod, I may have skipped over the Kelly Clarksons and the Lindsay Lohans, fearing ridicule. Like that's the most embarrassing thing about me, that i listen to teen girl pop music.

Since I always have my ipod set to shuffle (ALWAYS!), I assume that the songs that are played most are the ones i seek out to start a playlist.

I don't remember the last time I listened to a CD from beginning to end. Even my makeout music is usually a mix CD on random. I remember one time in particular...I was fooling around in my room with this guy, and we had just reached the handjob portion of the evening. I had to stifle laughter when a song by the Strokes came on. I thought I was going to get away with it until he asked me who we were listening to. When I said "Um, the Strokes," we laughed and laughed and laughed. And that's that story. Charming, isn't it?

Pull Me In Tighter

Isn't it always the case? As soon as you think someone is out of your life for good, there he is -- calling you at work out of the blue, telling you that he's crazy about you still and thinks about you all the time. It never fails.

It would be flattering if it, you know...wasn't coming from a crazy person.

Like the crazy pills lady that got her prescription filled at my pharmacy. She tells me that I wear the cutest shirts. This compliment means nothing coming from her though. She thinks that if she butters me up, I won't call her doctor or the cops.

She's right.

Nobody is good enough for Luke Wilson!

I think that Blood Ray already covered the insanity of last night. What a mess.

Of course, I don't necessarily make the best choices once I get past that fifth beer. Like standing on a wobbly bar stool in a crowded bar to lip-sync a show tune? Not my finest hour. I do, however, stand by my choice to perform "the lift" during "I've Had the Time of My Life."

I had a dream that I joined the cast of Gray's Anatomy...in bed for an orgy. I remember Ellen Pompeo being there, as well as Patrick Dempsey and an unknown cast member (I don't watch the show, so it might have been some random person and not an actual actor). It was disturbing.

And speaking of Ellen Pompeo (and we so rarely are. I mean, really) ...

I saw Old School in the theater with my oldest brother. Normally, I hate seeing movies with him because he talks back to the screen, repeats memorable lines, and clears his throat every four minutes. I can't stand it when people talk at the movies. However, during Old School, I couldn't hold back. Everytime Luke Wilson's character had to defend himself to win back the affections of Ellen Pompeo's character, I would yell, "Give it up! She's ugly! You deserve better!" But I guess she's really not ugly. She's just not pretty when standing next to Luke Wilson. He's that attractive to me.

My baby takes the morning train.

Ah, where to begin?

I guess I could start with the biggest news of my vacation: I fell in love. Her name is Kinzie (as her mama says, "It's Kinzie with a Z!"). She's the most lovable pooch in the entire world, and she LOVES men (just like me!). I miss her already, but I know her mom and dad are taking great care of her. Solid dog! :)

I don't think I've ever bonded with a dog before in my entire life, and I wonder what makes this dog so special. I'd like to imagine that it has more to do with Kinzie than the magic brownie I ate on my first night in Chicago.

The train ride suuuucked. It was better on the way home though, when Blood Ray and I discovered that they served beer. I feel sorry for the Amtrak passengers unlucky enough to sit near us, as we decided to perform some numbers from Wicked. (We just lip-synched them, but still...) Actually, I really feel sorry for the girl next to me on the train for her bad taste in movies. She booked a DVD double feature of The Prince and Me and Uptown Girls on her laptop.

The Rilo Kiley show was phenomenal. Jenny Lewis sounded amazing.

Blood Ray and I even got to see Wicked from the front row of the Oriental Theater.

Hit a few gay bars, spent way too much money on drinks.

The couple that put us up for a few nights....they were amazing.

I'm sure Blood Ray will give some more details of our excursion. But right now I've got a full Tivo to reconnect with. Someone gave me a CD with a bunch of pictures from the Saints and Sinners party. It'll have to wait until tomorrow.

We're off to see the wizard.

Okay, so i'm leaving for chicago in roughly 12 hours. I bought some snacks for the train ride and a y-adapter so Blood Ray and I can listen to the same music on the ipod. I imagine I can fit in quite a few episodes of third season Gilmore Girls, as well.

And since I'm such a thoughtful person, I decided to share a few pics from the Tarts and Vicars party (formerly known as Saints and Sinners).



Blood Ray as Elphaba and me as an all-purpose terrorist. It's okay to say that, right? BTW, I'm riding a broom in the picture. You just can't see it.



This new camera of mine ain't that great, but it was free. This picture is titled "So If You Care To Find Me."



I honestly don't know what to say about this one.



Some shady business went down at this party.



Aw, ain't it sweet?

There really were other people at this party, I just don't have pictures of them. The party was great. Blood Ray is saying "Best Party Ever," but that's not confirmed at the moment.

I wanted to put some pictures of the family, but i have got to get started with my laundry and packing. Now I want at least five legitimate comments by the time I get back, or no one gets any souvenirs.

Here he is!

Introducing Wyatt Nolan Christopher. Born May 13, 2005. 5lbs. 15oz.

For those keeping score at home, I now have 4 nieces and 5 nephews.

Can't stereotype my thing, yo.

By the way, Miranda came up with a pretty good idea. If anyone wants to post some reviews of Brazie's up on Sauce, feel free. Just don't use the word "foreigner" in the review, please.

Anyway, not having to work for the next five days is an amazing feeling, one that i haven't felt in the past year, at least. I plan on getting crazy drunk tomorrow night, maybe getting punched in the face ( i feel like my costume for Tarts & Vicars is going to be controversial). Then I plan on gambling with my sis and my mom on Sunday.

Then the train to chicago. Gilmore Girls on DVD and a special ipod mix of Rilo Kiley, Fiona Apple and assorted showtunes. I'm pretty excited. That's probably why I'm still awake at 3 a.m.

Blood Ray is taking the digital camera to Tarts & Vicars, so stay tuned for some pics.

And That's How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart

Every now and then, I have a good day at work. It's not usually the norm. Most of the time I spend my entire nine-hour day running around like a chicken with his head cut off.

Today, though, the owner decided to buy us all lunch from Super Smokers BBQ, which was fucking AWESOME (sorry, Blood Ray).

Also, the new girl that was sent to work with us and help us out with our new customers is a sweetheart. She makes me laugh a lot.

And to top it all off, the pharmacist bought the new Aimee Mann CD and is making me a copy.

Now if only I could get around to cleaning my living room and balancing my checkbook, this would be a great day.

See you at AMP!

Sorry

0111541-R1-050-23A, originally uploaded by joe_christopher.

I can't figure out how to post more than one pic in just one blog entry. Deal.

This pic is to show that my ten year old niece is probably better at Catchphrase than her 26 year old uncle.

pics

0111541-R1-048-22A, originally uploaded by joe_christopher.

Apparently i like flashing the peace sign.

Picture Time

0111541-R1-046-21A, originally uploaded by joe_christopher.

Here's my sis, best friend, niece, and myself.

You Can't Change a Cheetah's Stripes

Went to good ole' Ste. Genevieve (home of the high school field trips) today. It was amazing to see my Uncle Panfilo and Aunt Gloria for the first time in 16 years. They said I'm as skinny as i was when I was ten. I consulted them about their prescription drugs. Good times.

We ate smoked ribs and baked beans, potato salad, drank beer. It was a great Mother's Day.

Collect all three!

This is enough to ensure that i'll never eat cereal again. Or buy groceries in England.

Top 25 Played Songs on my ipod:

just because.

Galang - M.I.A.
Such Great Heights - Postal Service
More Adventurous - Rilo Kiley
If It's Not With You - Phoenix
Be Be Your Love - Rachel Yamagata
Does He Love You? - Rilo Kiley
Accidntel Death - RK
Another Travelin' Song - Bright Eyes
Under Control - the Strokes
We Will Become Silhouettes - Postal Service
Us - Regina Spektor
Apart - Elkland
It's A Hit - RK
Nothing Better - Postal Service
Y Control (Faint Remix) - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Used to Love Him - Fiona Apple
Not About Love - Fiona Apple
Agenda Suicide - The Faint
Girl - Destiny's Child
Get Him Back - Fiona Apple
1 Thing - Amerie
Please, Please, Please - Fiona Apple
First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
Old Soul Song - Bright Eyes
Wires and Waves - Rilo Kiley

I'm not too sure how they come up with these stats, though, cuz i can't remember even listening to that Strokes song all the way through even ONCE on my ipod. Maybe I was drunk.

I Predict A Riot

It's boycott time again! Kinda like how Clipgirl demanded the head of Katie Couric, I'm going to suggest that everyone stay away from Brazie's Italian Ristorante on Hampton. The owner came into my work today (we share a parking lot) and told the pharmacist to keep "the foreigner" that works there from parking so close to his restaurant. What a fucking jerk. I should be able to park where I want! And don't even get me started on the whole "foreigner" thing. My boss laughed about it on the phone when he called to tell me that today. That shit's just not funny to me right now.

Plus their food is really expensive for such shitty portions. And i could tell you stories, but this is not really the forum.

The best part of my day off was actually getting to tell a UPS driver, "But I didn't order anything from amazon.com!" It was fun.

And now i'm going to take my ipod to the park to read Tales of the City. That should make at least two of you very happy.

Turn Around...

So Bright Eyes performed "When the President Talks to God" on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night. He wore a cowboy hat. And after almost every line of the song, a large portion of the audience cheered. Meanwhile, tonight's episode of One Tree Hill was titled "I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning." It's all quite surreal.

I'm not sure if i made a mistake by not planning on seeing Bright Eyes in Chicago the day before Rilo Kiley. What if i never get another chance?

Anyway, i have to give props to This Guy for (possibly) guessing this year's twist on Gilmore Girls. I hope he's right. I didn't particularly enjoy seeing Lorelai getting kicked around tonight. However, I DID like seeing Paris performing "Walking on Sunshine."

Saw the video for "Portions for Foxes" today. FINALLY!

Listening to the new Weezer CD right now. Cute.

How do ya like them eggrolls, Mr. Goldstone

Forgot to mention that I bought the Kaiser Chiefs CD this weekend. And after going two whole months without putting anything new on my ipod, I went a little crazy at the itunes store (thanks Pepsi and Blood Ray!).

Some recent downloads:

1. "La Tortura" - Shakira

• I have no idea what she's saying (and I'm Mexican!) but i'd buy/download anything she does.

2. "Blue Orchid" - White Stripes

3. "Don't Phunk With My Heart" - Black Eyed Peas

• I feel like that whole "I wonder if i take you home" bit has been used like 39 millions times, but it's still a cute song and video.

4. "Telescope Eyes" - Eisley

5. "One Word" - Kelly Osbourne

• I know, i was just curious. And it was free.

I also found the new Weezer! Yay!

And because i'm just not gay enough, Bradley pointed me towards some songs from Wicked and (gasp!) Gypsy.

If there was a better way to go then it would find me.

I'm sure that if you're reading this blog, you know me. And you know my feelings on the unreleased Fiona Apple CD Extraordinary Machine. Simply put, it's amazing. My favorite CD in the entire world is her second CD When the Pawn..., so i've been waiting quite impatiently for the follow-up. It's been six years, people!

September 1999: When the Pawn... is released. I listen to it non-stop.

June 2003: I see a little notice in Sam Goody that Fiona Apple's third CD will be released later that summer. It's not.

July 2004: The title track is leaked on the internet. Blood Ray likes to describe it as "Rosemary Clooney on acid." I don't know who that is. Wasn't she in a paper towel commercial?

August 2004: "A Better Version of Me" is available for download. No one knows where these songs are coming from.

January 2005: "Get Him Back," "Not About Love," and "Used to Love Him" are leaked. A few weeks later, every song from the album is on the internet.

Seriously, if anyone wants a copy, let me know. I'd be happy to burn one for you. I gave one to the bartender at AMP and i got a free beer! So i guess that's the deal. I'll burn you a copy if you give me a beer. I like Budweiser.


Now I'm just waiting to read some reviews of the album. I open each new Rolling Stone, Spin, Blender, etc. in hopes of finding a write-up. Nothing. I did read something in the RFT this week, and they loved it! They hate everything! (I won't even mention what they said about my beloved Rilo Kiley).

Speaking of, I'm a little peeved after finding out that LCD Soundsystem and M.I.A. are playing the Metro THE DAY AFTER I LEAVE CHICAGO!

Damn the luck!