She's fantastic, made of plastic.

As much as I love VH1's programming...

A third installment of I Love the 80's? Really??

What is left to talk about? Animotion? Stacey Q? My Stepmother is an Alien? Small Wonder?

Actually, that would be pretty fucking awesome. I would like to know what that little robot bitch is up to these days.

Here's what's really on the agenda, directly from VH1's website:

Circus of the Stars turns your favorite A,B and C stars into circus freaks! Will Greg Evigan survive the trapeze????

Headbands and mesh tops make girly men of all your favorite rock
stars!

It's all happening at the mall--Dooood, lets hang at the food court and drink an Orange Julius.

Jaws 3-D - Even with the glasses, and a few gory body parts floating before your eyes, the movie sucks!

Monchichi Monchichi, oh, so soft and cuddly!

TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes: When filming or taping a TV show or movie, things invariably go wrong - Ed and Dick walk us through it.

Bigfoot! No, not the ape-man, the MONSTER trucks that were crushing cars--oh the joy.

Fruit Roll Ups use designer chemicals, fruit-like substances and
whimsical presentation to make "fruit" palatable for kids

Donahue! He's got a mic and you got a question.

Wang Chung - the chop suey of pop songs.

First of all, only losers spelled it "dood." Secondly, these are all lame subjects. But if anyone can make them funny, it's my pretend boyfriend Christian Finneran. Why I love him, I'll never know.

A Better Version of EM

frontier-psychiatrist.blogspot.com has the new version of Extraordinary Machine available for download. I can't seem to get it to work, but Blood Ray's got it.

I know that Fiona Apple is all I seem to write about these days, but goddammit....I've been waiting forever for this CD.

My favorite CD of all time is When the Pawn...

It's been my favorite CD for six years now. There have been a few albums that have come close to taking the top spot, like Rilo Kiley's More Adventurous, but nothing's surpassed it.

The wait for the new Fiona Apple album has been torturous. At least, it was torturous until about six months ago, when the whole thing was leaked.

And so here's the new, reworked version, leaked as well. Download it. Still, everyone should buy it. I know I will.

Keep turnin' that chin.

You can stream the new Fiona Apple CD at www.myspace.com/fionaapple

It's not the original Jon Brion version. Every song (except for the title track and "Waltz") has been reworked.

It's not the same album I fell in love with. It's.....off. It's like having your best friend suddenly show up one day with a mustache, provided your best friend doesn't already have one.

Happy Birthday, Blood Ray.

Well, it appears that Wicked was a success. I think someone told me there were about 40 audience members in attendance.

The party was great. I'm getting ready to watch the video footage that we took. Here are some pics:

I've made a huge mistake

First, for anyone that's interested, here's the new version of "Out Tonight" from the movie version of Rent. That's right, it's performed by my girl Rosario Dawson. You'll need iTunes.

I'm very impressed.

Fametracker put up a Fame Audit for Lauren Graham. I've actually given much thought as to what her Fame Audit would be like. I knew they liked her (as so many do), but I didn't think they'd shit all over the last season of Gilmore Girls, which TV Guide called their best ever.

They've got beef with the Lorelai/Luke hook-up. They miss Sookie. They don't want to see Kirk with a girlfriend. But they still love the Gilmore Girls, and more importantly, they love Lauren Graham.

The audit can be summed up by the last couple of sentences:

We don't know exactly whom we should blame for Graham's not having become an internationally famous superstar by now, but we suspect that it's all Rory's fault. Stupid Rory.

In other television news, Jason Bateman announced that the cast and crew of Arrested Development would give up one of their Emmys to CARMEN ELECTRA if 15 million viewers tuned into the season premiere. Well, the numbers are in.....and they missed their target by roughly ten million viewers. Their days are numbered, folks. Watch it while you can. Do it for Gangy.

I came to on a corner with some help from a man

I consider myself pretty music-savvy. If a band or artist that I love is recording a new album, I usually know about it. So imagine my surprise when I came across this today:




A new Cardigans album that I knew nothing about. Interesting.

Sure, "Lovefool" remains their most popular song. And yeah, their last CD Long Gone Before Daylight wasn't released in the U.S. until a full year after it came out in Europe. But I swear, this band still makes some amazing music. The new single is called "I Need Some Fine Wine and You, You Need to be Nicer," but this is my favorite song from the last CD, "Live and Learn."

Live and Learn - The Cardigans (you'll need iTunes)

Top 25 Most Played on the iPod:

1. You Are What You Love - Jenny Lewis
2. Shake it Off - Mariah Carey
3. Who's that Girl? - Robyn
4. Konichiwa Bitches - Robyn
5. The Wizard and I - Wicked
6. Passive Manipulation - White Stripes
7. Take Me or Leave Me - Rent
8. Parting Gift - Fiona Apple
9. Portions for Foxes - Rilo Kiley
10. Mushaboom - Feist
11. These Words - Natasha Bedingfield
12. Out Tonight - Rent
13. No Good Deed - Wicked
14. Forever for Her - White Stripes
15. The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice
16. We Belong Together - Mariah Carey
17. One Short Day - Wicked
18. Melt Your Heart - Jenny Lewis
19. Landed - Ben Folds
20. Everything To Me - Liz Phair
21. Me and Mia - Ted Leo
22. Oh My God - Kaiser Chiefs
23. Love Steals You From Loneliness - Idlewild
24. Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie
25. Thank Goodness - Wicked

Holy Shit.

40 DVDs
7 Seasons
$129.99
Available 11/15/05 (10 days before my birthday)

Come be how you want to

It's a good Sunday.

It's beautiful outside, so the windows are open. I sat down with my Sunday Post. I'm downloading the new Liz Phair CD. And the Emmys are on tonight, too!

If I'd been able to solve the Slylock Fox mystery on the back page of the comic section, I'd have said it was a great Sunday.

With all that out of the way, let me just say how excited I am that Blood Ray's Wicked Bash is finally coming together. There are just six days until the big show. Last night, we learned our staging and choreography, thanks to the talented Clipgirl. Plus, I got some good footage for the behind-the-scenes documentary that we're making.

I don't want to give away any of the show's secrets, but the duet between Elphaba and Fieryo is, like, totally hot.

One last thing: last night, I suddenly remembered a horrible nightmare I had when I was a little kid. I must've been five or so. I was at my babysitter's house when Sha Na Na came in and roughed me up. I don't even know how I knew about Sha Na Na. And frankly, thinking about them these days gives me the creeps. I want to say that maybe they were on an episode of Sesame Street. Anyone know?

Apparently, Season Six = More Babette

The Summer of 2005 definitely agreed with Luke. He's seriously never looked better. And hearing Lorelai say, "Kids would be good," was a nice surprise. Hey Lorelai, maybe this time you could raise a child that doesn't like to steal yachts. And better taste in boyfriends would be cool, too.

I guess Lane and the band are still on their Christian Rock Tour. Maybe they'll get signed this year.

Oh, and kudos to Paris and Doyle for shacking up together.

I've won hundreds at the track, but I ain't bettin' on the afterlife.

My favorite customer stopped by my work yesterday. I hadn't seen her in weeks. She was in the hospital for a couple of days, and she couldn't drive or get around very well. When she showed up yesterday to say hello, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

You see, she's spent her eighty years on this planet helping others. She took care of her husband when he got back from the war. She's been taking care of her daughter (who suffers from numerous health problems) for almost fifty years. I can tell that she doesn't want anyone helping her now that she needs it.

When she told me, "I know everyone probably wishes I would've died in that hospital," I couldn't do anything except shake my head. I couldn't think of the right thing to say. My boss jumped in: "Well, we sure didn't want that."

I admit, I start many stories with "My favorite customer came in today...." But this woman really is my favorite customer of all time. She puts everyone else before her, and I know i'm not like that. I wish I could say that I enjoy helping others, but I enjoy watching television more. If only there were a way to combine the two....

You never knew why you felt so good in the strangest of places.

It's true, guys. Blood Ray really does attract the crazies. More specifically, he attracts strange men that feel the need to place their hands on his body, from head to toe.

There was the night at Freddie's when a stranger ripped the glasses right off of his head.

Now we can add to the list the incident that occurred Sunday night at *shudder* the Complex.

When it's a crowded night at the Complex, one might expect the occasional bump. In fact, I ran right into some woman's breast. But there's no need for a stranger to walk by and grab your junk. Sure, it's happened to me before, and if the man is attractive, it's been a real conversation starter. An ice-breaker, if you will.

But Blood Ray wasn't having it. I watched in terror as Blood Ray confronted him. Keep in mind that the other man was about twice our size -- very muscular. Words were exchanged, an apology was offered, no one was hurt.

This was the most exciting thing that happened all night.

In other news, I'm looking forward to playing the role of Boq in Blood Ray's Wicked. I have very little experience in this field. In fact, there are a couple of scenes in which Blood Ray is going to be my own Marni Nixon. I'll be doing my own singing for the most part, but those long notes during my solo? Let's just say that the audience will appreciate Blood Ray stepping in for me.

Now all I have to do is figure out what a university-attending Munchinlander would wear, and where I can buy it.

Backroads and shortcuts, I know them well

It's nice to have friends that share your interests, like drinking until three or four a.m.

Especially if they live in a house right behind you. That's what I like about living so close to Shane. When he has people over at night, I can drink for hours and just walk (or stumble, as the case may be) across the street to my bed.

I mean really, is there anything better than hanging out with friends, drinking, talking, laughing? I think not.

And just a reminder: Fiona Apple's new CD comes out in one month. Oct. 4th. Mark your calendars!

For Clipgirl:

On a church sign in South City:

"Our Government is a blessing from God."

The Execution of All Things

I ordered a DVD online the other day. It's a documentary about the record label Saddle Creek, home to Bright Eyes, the Faint, and, once upon a time, Rilo Kiley. It's called Spend an Evening with Saddle Creek. And you know what? I will spend an evening with Saddle Creek. Tonight, in fact.

It arrived today, along with a poster, 2 buttons and a sticker. And a little hand-written note on Saddle Creek stationary that said, "Thanks, Joseph."

You're welcome!

Maybe I should wait until AFTER the Bright Eyes concert to watch it. And here's the reasoning behind that: I bought two tickets for the show at the Pageant on November 12. I found out (twelve hours after purchasing the tickets) that it's the same date as my old college roommate's wedding. I'd probably be a little upset about the whole thing if it were anyone else getting married, but I just can't seem to hold it against Mike.

Anyway, if I see Bright Eyes acting all cute on this movie, I'll want to skip the wedding.

Kudos to my roommate for making a yummy homemade pizza tonight. You know a pizza is fucking delicious when you burn your entire mouth because you just can't wait until it cools down to take the next bite.